Zombeavers (2015)

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for every “bitch/biatch” and Zombeaver POV.

Do a Shot: if you catch writer/director Jordan Rubin’s cameo. Do Two: if you’re the last one to see it. Hint: blink and you’ll miss that Gas Station ass ogle.

Take a Drink: for each flash of nip and/or dick you catch onscreen.

Special Pick Given By Director Jordan Rubin- Take a Sip: anytime you hear the plural of the word “beavers” (not “beaver” only “beavers”). Read his baller interview on Zombeavers with yours truly HERE.

Take a Drink: every time the Zombeavers hit a new evolutionary level (trust me, you’ll know when).

Pour a Little Out: for Buck’s foot and Bosley.

Take a Sip: whenever you hear the word “dick” or beaver jokes/puns.

Pick a character after the entire group gets together on the lake raft of who you think is gonna make it out alive, or if anyone will at all, and Shotgun a Beer: if you guessed correctly when the credits roll.

Community Review

How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Movie Review

By: Felix Felicis (A Toast)-

If you’re not looking for a good time then you’d be *lowers shades* barking up the wrong tree with Zombeavers, because this campy throwback to the halcyon, spooftastic 80’s horror days takes ridiculously awesome and turns it all the way up to eleven. After a soul-suckingly bad box-office run of late (striking out with the hilariously terrible Jupiter Ascending, the face-meltingly awful Fifty Shades Of Grey and the mediocre maelstrom that was Hot Tub Time Machine 2) I was all out of love, so lost without booze, it can’t be too late, to watch a movie oh so strong…

My rhymes be on fleek, y’all.

Zombeavers follows college Sorority sisters Mary (Rachel Melvin), Zoe (Cortney Palm) and Jenn (Lexi Atkins) as they road trip it out to a super secluded… cabin in the woods… for a girl’s weekend away from boys, books, and pesky bikini tops. Plans begin to go slightly awry when the girls’ boyfriends Tommy (Jake Weary) and Buck (Peter Gilroy) plus one cheating ex, Sam (Hutch Dano), show up and gate crash at the cabin… that cabin in the woods. Soon the co-eds are neck-deep in trouble and fighting for their lives as one toxic spill, and dam full of undead beavers, threaten to derail their party train… PERMANENTLY.

A Toast

Part of the beauty of Zombeavers is in its title. You know what you’re getting yourself in for before the first frame even flits across the screen. Much like Eight Legged Freaks (toxic waste/spiders) and Snakes on a Plane (pheromones/snakes), Zombeavers is about beavers… That turn into zombies. The simple, glorious, absolute clarity of purpose, and play on words, in that concept (and title) is just a fraction of the genius that this film exudes.

Also my reaction the first time I saw a plate of nachos.

Zombeavers is a self-aware, and highly witty, trip down the thin line that separates parody and homage to what’s gone before in the horror genre. With such laser focus and single-minded dedication to concept, it would be insanely easy to stumble and fall into a tedious tailspin of one-note jokes (yeah, I’m looking at you Hot Tub 2). This film, however, delivers a slick script and expert guidance by first-time feature director (and longtime comedy writer) Jordan Rubin, to navigate those murky, beaver-filled waters. I started writing down some of my favorite dialogue… Until I realized I was basically transcribing the entire film.

Here are a few gems:

“There is no fucking [cell phone] service… What if there’s, like, an emergency or something?”- Zoe

“There’s, like, a landline.”- Mary

“A what?”- Zoe

3
The tongue-in-cheek nod to how current this dialogue actually is had me laughing my ass off. Zombeavers is better cardio than cardio.

“You know when your foot’s asleep? My dick’s asleep. I gotta wake that dick up.”- Buck

“I gotta wake [his] dick up.”- Zoe

Blow Jobs.. You can’t argue with science.

Actually, anytime Buck opened his mouth was pure gold:

[during sex]

“I FEEL LIKE A POWER RANGER!”- Buck

And

“Jen, you are a really ugly crier.”- Buck

And

“Jen, be honest, did you shit in here?”- Buck

*starts slow clap as a single tear runs down my alabaster cheek*

In addition to a script (co-written with Rubin by Jon and Al Kaplan) that had me laughing alongside your daily recommended serving of gore, the special effects, and decision to go with demented (in the best way possible), Caddyshack-esque animatronic puppets, was brilliant. A sly nod to 80’s gems like Gremlins, those demonic dam builders were charmingly disgusting in the most marvelously retro way. Every production detail was streamlined and executed to an exactingly high caliber, allowing the audience to fully immerse themselves in the experience of Zombeavers with wild abandon.

Zombeaver: what's my motivation?                                     Jordan Rubin: like the worst PMS ever.                   Zombeaver: got it.
Zombeaver: what’s my motivation?                                   Jordan Rubin: like the worst PMS ever.                      Zombeaver: got it.

The chemistry of the cast plus a script so in the zone it dunked like Jordan, plus a soundtrack so dope Colorado is trying to legalize it, plus a sneaky killer cameo by John Mayer so excellent Bill and Ted want in on it equals a pure, popcorn romp through Zombeaver’s kick-ass fields. This is an unapologetic, balls-to-the-wall, ridiculous and ridiculously fun film (in theaters and VOD March 20th) best enjoyed with a bucket of tequila and at least two to three people who can help you look for your pants the next day after you black out. Trust me on the pants thing.

 Verdict

Zombeavers is a bitingly sharp good time you’re going to want to take home and gnaw on over and over again.

AToast-150x150

Last Call: Stay all the way to the end of the credits for more zom-fun.

About Felix Felicis

Filled with smart-assed sass and armed with the expletives to prove it, Felix Felicis is a critic adrift in a sea of dirty thoughts and tawdry humor. If you see her float by, toss Felix some beef jerky and a taser. She'll take it from there.

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