The Wizard of Oz (1939)

The Wizard of Oz (1939) DVD/Bluray
The Wizard of Oz (1939) DVD/Bluray

By: Felix Felicis (A Toast) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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For a wordy bitch like myself, I’m almost at a loss as to how I can begin to describe the sheer brilliance, the absolute badassery, the iconic tornado that is (both literally and figuratively) one of the most captivating films of all time. With heart and wit and charm and courage, The Wizard of Oz has captured the minds and imaginations of anyone who’s had the great opportunity to see it since its release in 1939. It’s the MC Hammer of movies… You can’t fucking touch this.

Uh-oh! Looks like SOMEONE’S up a creek! Yeah. I’m not even sorry for that pun.
Uh-oh! Looks like SOMEONE’S up a creek! Yeah. I’m not even sorry for that pun.

The film follows Dorothy Gale as she’s caught up in events (and even a cyclone) beyond her control, finding herself in a strange new land with strange new friends (as well as enemies) and almost insurmountable odds between her and her way home. Will she win her way back to Kansas? Will she find strength in the magic of friendship? Will I ever learn the ancient art of Sudoku?

I can count to pretty!
I can count to pretty!

No, the answer to that last one is no. Let’s be real here, do I LOOK like someone who has higher-functioning math skills? But I digress. Read on, Boozers, as we go over the rainbow to follow Dorothy on what HAD to be the best acid trip EVER.

A Toast

The magic in The Wizard of Oz lies in the intangible and lost art of the classic, the iconic grace of a time gone by. It’s built over the years from a film that didn’t even make its production costs back at its initial release, to one of the most recognizable and beloved musicals of all time. Take THAT From Justin to Kelly… Seriously. Take that sad excuse for ear herpes and burn it, Fahrenheit-451-style.

This and Amanda Bynes are the final harbingers of the apocalypse.
This and Amanda Bynes are the final harbingers of the apocalypse.

From the opening titles to the final credits, The Wizard of Oz takes you on a fantastical journey into the wilds of imagination and beyond. The quintessential family film, Oz enchants through beautifully composed musical scores and rich visual technicolor tones. The ruby slippers alone were worth the price of admission, changed from page to screen from silver to ruby (to take advantage of that technicolor technology) they sparkled onscreen and, once the curtains closed, became a piece of American history yours truly once saw in person at The Smithsonian.

GUUUURRRRLLL WORK!!
GUUUURRRRLLL WORK!!

That’s not to say The Wizard of Oz was entirely without flaws. Yes, the special effects are outdated to be kind and the set pieces are easily indentified as fake (I once watched Dorothy skip to within a nose-length of a backdrop before the camera cut away) not to mention the scenery is clearly shiny and plastic and… NONE OF THAT FUCKING MATTERS because nearly eighty years after Oz made its debut, it still enthralls old and young alike. The doe-eyed innocence of Judy Garland surrounded by an all-star cast (Frank Morgan, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, Jack Haley, Billie Burke, Margaret Hamilton and more) enraptures and encapsulates your heart so completely, even now, that it’s impossible not to love this more-than-slightly homicidal bitch in a pianofore. I’m not kidding… Dorothy murders two people then skips off giggling into a Kansas sunset. Eat your heart out, Dexter.

You KNOW he’s about to murder that pussy…
You KNOW he’s about to murder that pussy…

Congrats to the three of you who just got my reference to oral sex (call me!). I, sadly, didn’t get to experience this majestic masterpeice of musical theater on IMAX or in 3D. Thanks a million to the stupid, backwater, hick island I live on… But I’ve heard positive feedback from other critics who did (and I can only recommmend you don’t miss an opportunity to catch this gem on any kind of screen).

Verdict

AToast-150x150

Long story short, The Wizard of Oz is a classic, iconic, ode to American musicals and will live forever in the hearts and minds of a nation. Fuck anybody who says differently.

Yeah. That about sums it up.
Yeah. That about sums it up.

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time you hear “Dorothy”, “Toto”, “Aunty Em” or “The Wizard”.

Take a Drink: anytime you meet a character you know you’ll be seeing later (thanks foreshadowing).

Take a Drink: each time you catch a glimpse of those FAAAAABULOUS shoes.

Take a Shot: for every musical number/whenever someone bursts into song.

Take a Drink: whenever the “Horse of a Different Color” changes color.

Take a Shot: every time you see the Wicked Witch and/or Good Witch pop up.

Take a Drink: anytime somebody* tragically sheds a tear.  *Dorothy

Shotgun a Beer: in honor of Toto… Rest In Peace you furry little gangster.

About Felix Felicis

Filled with smart-assed sass and armed with the expletives to prove it, Felix Felicis is a critic adrift in a sea of dirty thoughts and tawdry humor. If you see her float by, toss Felix some beef jerky and a taser. She'll take it from there.

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