Take a Drink: whenever Moore has an “I’m too old for this shit” look on his face
Take a Drink: whenever you’re reminded how lame the 80s were
Take a Drink: “breeding”
Take a Drink: for long falls
Take a Drink: for classic Walken line readings
Do a Shot: for steroid jokes
By: Henry J. Fromage (Five Beers) –
The year is 1985. Wham! and Madonna are at the top of the charts, and the cultural spectrum ranges from Reagan reactionism to mainstream-saturated androgyny. How to bring Bond into this modern age?
Or better yet, “Why bring Bond into this modern age?”
The plot is as bizarrely convoluted as always, ranging from horse doping to people doping to… Lex Luthoring the San Andreas fault in order to corner the market on microchips? Sure.
Admittedly, the skiing/snowboarding opening action sequence has some pretty spectacular stuntwork, further shaming Die Another Day‘s godawful stuntwork/CGI 20 years later. The underground lair/battle finale is a fun throwback to Ken Adam’s meticulously created supervillain sets of the 60s and 70s.
Also, if you’re casting a megalomaniac with a bizarre speech cadence, then you can’t do much better than Christopher Walken. Even more of a scene-stealer, though, is taboo-busting androgyne Grace Jones, who plays a ‘roided up henchwoman who is as intimidating as she is sexy. Her love scene with Roger Moore must have led to many a confusing 80s teenage wank session (and a confused and frightened Moore- apparently Jones wore a giant dildo during it).
Playboy wasn’t helping those feelings back then.
Some folks like the Duran Duran title song… but I’m not one of them. The title sequence’s lame attempt at capturing the zeitgeist is mirrored by an unsuited synth and sax-happy score. Nope.
The 80s pandering includes cassettes, Silicon Valley, and, of course, a robot dog.
Operated by Q, displaying an unhealthy but unsurprising obsession with Bond’s sex life.
The plot really raises the stakes for Moore-era inanity. The description above doesn’t include killer fishing poles, supervillain blimps, a surprising amount of blood for the Bond franchise, a return to dubbing Bond girls’ every word, a doofy butler sidekick, and a killer car wash.
What really hammers a nail in the coffin of the film, though, is how tired of it all a 57 year old Roger Moore seems to be. His deadpan, quippy style carried the franchise through an Adam Westian amount of silliness, but at this point he was clearly done. Here’s hoping he ran away with the always age-appropriate Moneypenny.
Forgot to mention- Jones got her then bf Dolph Lundgren his first onscreen opportunity in this film. Otherwise, though, A View to a Kill sees the Moore era out with more of a whimper than a bang.