Take a Drink: each time the word “love” is sung.
Take a Drink: for every missed opportunity at cute comedy (a subjective option – play responsibly).
Do a Shot: because George Lucas is now the ultimate troll, and Disney the ultimate spam blocker.
By: Bill Arceneaux (Six Pack) –
No introduction to this review is needed. Just watch the above video.
Beer Six (blow beers 1 – 5 out of a canon and onto your face prior to viewing)
I may have started a review AT number Six once before, but never have I made it the ONLY beer recommended for the actual viewing. It’s up to you, dear reader, whether or not the consumption of so much alcohol is necessary to get the COURAGE to see Strange Magic, but on the Movieboozer scale, that is where I rank this “film”: Booze goggles BEFORE buying the ticket.
For those unaware (like myself when I was chosen to watch this), Strange Magic was conceived and commissioned by one George Lucas – the one man who I can guarantee will have to answer for his actions to the almighty him/herself (keep in mind I’m more in Carl Sagan’s corner than King James’s). Lucas is an intriguing individual, having been a pioneering type filmmaker with a zest for adventures during productions. However, once his legacy was confirmed via the billions he raked in through Star Wars…
… but no – I don’t hate the man. Not at all. I am, however, deeply frustrated. He’s like the Vince Russo of movies. To the non-pro wrestling fans out there, Russo was one of WWE’s creative writers during the mid to late 90’s, when Stone Cold Steve Austin was kicking all sorts of ass. He eventually left for WCW, where he was given almost total control. What followed was some of the WORST wrestling television EVER. Pro Wrestler Chris Jericho said, “He had a million ideas. 10 were great, the rest were crap, and he didn’t know the difference.” At this point, Lucas is Russo.
I digress. Let’s get into Strange Magic.
Did anyone watch Movieboozer’s live video commentary of the unreleased El Dorado 3D? It was a “musical” that aped and shoehorned pop songs and famous moments from other films in an attempt to be “clever” or something. It was a fun watch, don’t get me wrong – mostly because of the crew I was watching it with AND the fact that it wasn’t supposed to be seen. Naughty us.
Well, imagine a screening of El Dorado 3D, except:
- It’s animated and meant for young eyes.
- The man who “ruined your childhood” created the story.
- Instead of doing an “homage” to The Blues Brothers soundtrack, it was using a mix of modern and classic romance-related pop in EVERY SCENE and MULTIPLE TIMES.
- The faces looked hyper realistically creepy – like if Barbie and friends came to life and talked to you.
- The actors are actually TRYING to belt out tunes with un-ironic soul and passion. Same with the rest of the crew and their respective jobs. True believers?
- The tagline and premise are on shakier ground than California.
- LOVE is the end all be all element.
Insufferable? Yes. Insulting? Yes. Interchangeable with other mediocre direct to dvd cartoons? Partly. Some of those are actually good and aimed for the right market.
By the fifth or sixth time “Can’t Help Falling in Love” is sung, you’ll be screaming for Jar Jar Binks.
Wear a condom and don’t have kids.