Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Katherine Balestrini (Four Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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After the epic disappointment of Episode 1, this instalment could only get better. The same great nostalgic Star Wars opening sets the audience up to anticipate again the fate of a Galaxy Far, Far Away.

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Oohhh, Shiny.

Years have passed and no one has aged except Anakin Skywalker. Senator Amidala looks fantastic but hasn’t aged a day, Obi Wan Kenobi has some new hair style on and makes a fashion choice he doesn’t change for many, many a year! Yoda looks the same as does Senator Palpatine! The plot focuses on a secret clone army, an assassination attempt on Senator Amidala, a forbidden romance, and of course the constant telling off of Anakin Skywalker by his master.

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Looking good for someone her age, or someone ten years younger/older. It doesn’t matter, does it?

A Toast

This film is much better than the first one, although it does rely on so much CGI at points it’s close to being a cartoon.  The film as a whole is easy enough to watch but the story does go off mark quite a bit.  However, you do get to see stuff Jedis can do other than look sternly at each other.

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They don’t even smile in LEGO!!

Beer Two

Anakin Skywalker, badly cast, badly acted and badly written. It is not enough to end up being the most feared Darth in all of history, but what they do to the character in this movie is close to unforgivable.  When he falls in love with Padme he goes all out to prove it, even cutting a pear with his Jedi mind powers. When he seeks revenge for his mother, he kills an entire race and also discusses the plus points of a Dictatorship that would have brought a tear of pride to Hitler’s eye.

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If you think someone has gone bat shit crazy, DO SOMETHING!! Don’t start planning long secluded holidays.

All of these bad decisions are made worse by the other cast members. Padme says nothing to anyone about his crazy antics, not even Obi Wan. Yoda sees that Anakin is in pain and again does nothing about it. Obi Wan is the only one concerned by his behaviour, but once again does nothing but moan about it!

Beer Three

The movie in general. Sure, it’s an ok movie, but is it Attack of the Clones?? The cartoon spin off series is so much better than this movie is. The story is better written, and the animation is far superior than it needs to be. All that aside there is a couple of battles with the clones in this and that’s that, it’s hardly an attack. Rome would be ashamed.

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If Anakin hadn’t been a captive, he sure would have been throwing more Jedi in.

Beer Four

The one tiny fact that Jar Jar Binks is STILL in it!! Not only is he unnecessary, he is like your nephew when he visits. Sure its reassuring to know he is alive, but a phone call would have done instead of having to spend time with the little shit.

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Funny ONLY when it’s not your home!

Verdict

zzz4beers

An aright movie, but by no means is this a good Star Wars film. Cut out the romantic crap, Jar Jar Binks, and make the Clones actually do something and as Yoda would say, a movie this might make.  If you want to see The Clone Wars watch the far better cartoon series they made.

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Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time Anakin gets told off

Take a Drink: whenever Padme looks like she is doing this for the money

Take a Drink: when Obi Wan Kenobi talks; his accent is not great!

Do a Shot: when you wish you had written this movie

About Katherine Balestrini

One comment

  1. I agree this is better than the first, but it’s still not terribly good. Looking forward to your next review!

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