The Pyramid (2014)

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: when they stop using found footage

Take a Drink: when the word “pyramid” is said

Take a Drink: when someone is killed offscreen

Take a Drink: when the camera malfunctions/bad lighting covers obvious budgetary issues

Do Two Shots: at the point you realize you are wasting your time

Community Review

How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Movie Review

By: StarvinMarvinMcFly (Six Beers) –

I’m done, that’s it, I’m throwing in my towel.

If anyone knows about the death of found footage this year, it’s me. I’ve seen most of them, and most for this site. Of course there will be some good ones, but Hollywood has kicked this horse dead and then some.

Then what do you consider The Pyramid?

It’s a death knell, a white flag with a warning.

This movie is not worth your time.

It is one of the worst horror movies of the year, as well as one of the worst I have ever seen.

I thought there was some possibility here, with director Gregory Levasseur being from some good company. He’s a product of the “New French Extremity” film movement, having worked with friend and collaborator Alexandre Aja on a handful of really good horror movies, including High Tension and namely the better-than-they-had-any-right-to-be remakes of The Hills Have Eyes, Maniac, and Piranha.

Anything that made those movies good is absent here, proving how much of the heavy lifting Aja did. He’s relegated to producer here and you can tell. It’s noticeably devoid of any suspense, true scares, inventive gore, or originality.

Looking for signs of life...no luck here.
Looking for signs of life… No luck here.
The Pyramid is a fairly straight forward found footage premise, one that showed a lot more promise on paper than the final product would have you believe. Archaeologists digging in Egypt find a fourth ‘great pyramid’, one that has three sides, which is apparently significant and foreboding. They, which here means a father-daughter archaeologist team and a couple of documentarians for posterity, go into the tombs underneath to find out who built it and why it’s been hidden for so long. There they find darkness, some poorly rendered Egyptian monsters, and other scary stuff. If you’ve seen As Above, So Below… pretty much the same thing, only in Egypt instead of the Parisian catacombs.”

There are better movies out, trust me.

A Toast

This movie will be forgotten about in a month.

Beers 1-6

Drink these really fast, then you’ll have an excuse to leave the theater. The movie is underlit, the writing is atrocious, it’s not scary, and it’s boring. Move along.

Nothing but Pepe. Stinker alert.
Nothing but Pepe. Stinker alert.

Verdict

I don’t mean to be so harsh. Well, I do. Hollywood has to retire the found footage thing, or get more inventive with it. This rote, boring assembly line garbage is offensive to anyone looking for signs of life in the Hollywood horror genre. Look to other countries or to the Indie/VOD circuit for quality horror entries. It seems Hollywood horror, and especially this movie, is certified Dead On Arrival.

Six Pack

About StarvinMarvinMcFly

Writer, Filmmaker, Musician.

3 comments

  1. I’m not trying to sound racist, but how come white people are the only ones dying in horror movies? Is someone trying to kill them all?

  2. And if Mark Wahlberg really wanted to set a good example for his kids then he’d just accept his status as it is defined by his previous felonies and show his kids that horrible actions have lasting consequences.
    For More Info : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY7oXWDQK0g

  3. While Vacancy didn’t scare me or my then 9 year old daughter in the least we both found it to be such a good movie that we have now watched it dozens of times. And it always pops up in our top 20 faves. If you haven’t seen it get up and go watch it.
    For More Info Here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY7oXWDQK0g

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