The Prophecy (1995)

The Prophecy (1995)
The Prophecy (1995) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Four Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Every so often a film comes around which is so epic in scope, and fraught with mystery, so powerfully told that it is destined to be passed along for generations.  Over the years, many of these landmark films have become part of the artistic pantheon, as important as Michelangelo’s sculpture, or DaVinci’s sketchbook.

So, yeah… this isn’t one of those

The Prophecy tells the story of Thomas (Elias Koteas), a police detective who once aspired to be a priest, as he uncovers a mystery about the missing 23rd chapter of the Book of Revelations.  It seems that after the Bible as we know it ended, some Angels became angry with God for putting Man above them on the priorities list.  Led by the Archangel Gabriel (Christopher Walken), a rebellion has been fought, in order to forge heaven and earth in the image of the Angels…

A Toast

If it weren’t for Christopher Walken, this movie would be a cookie-cutter 90’s horror/action flick, as forgettable as it is pretentious. Walken is a special kind of actor though, a rare animal who simply cannot be contained.  Like turning water to wine, so it goes with a screenplay and Christopher Walken.

Beer Two

Just about everything about this film that doesn’t involve Walken is a misfire.  The first being the dialogue, which is so full of pseudo-religious babble and philosophical clichés that you’d think they were saying something about faith and Christianity. You’d think that, except the film also uses violence and sexual themes exploitatively.  As a result, sometimes you can’t tell what message the film is trying to tell, or if it is telling a message at all.

Beer Three

It is unsurprising to learn that Director Gregory Widen was also the screenwriter for Highlander, as this film has all the same elements, minus the Queen soundtrack.  Hmm, speaking of Queen, it seems that somebody with Imovie and a few hours to kill could make that happen.

Beer Four

Viggo Mortensen is positively baffling as Lucifer, whose beard and mullet should prove once and for all that the Devil is a redneck, but whose eyeliner states quite the opposite.

Viggo

His highlights are positively FABULOUS

In the film, Lucifer is worried that Gabriel’s recent activity may threaten his own dominion in hell.  And then decides to help the good, in order to help himself.  Which is admittedly an interesting plot-twist, but his character is not in the film long enough to make much more than a passing impression.

Verdict

zzz4beers

There is no way this was meant to be taken seriously, I think…

 

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: when a soul gets sucked.

Take a Drink: when Walken puts someone to sleep.

Do a Shot: anytime the bible is referenced

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

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