Take a Drink: anytime Noah does something that warrants a restraining order, but it’s Okay, cuz he is RYAN F’ing GOSLING
Take a Drink: anytime James Garner plays coy with a confused Gena Rowlands, where he is inexplicably allowed to stay in a ward for advanced dementia patients
Take a Drink: anytime Noah scolds Allie like an angry father/abusive husband
Down a Shot: if you’d kill for Allie’s problems instead of your own right now.
By: Jake Peroni (Two Beers) –
The Notebook is the timeless tale of a hard-working young man who fought relentlessly to recover from trauma suffered in WWII. Despite all odds stacked against him, he became wildly successful and fell madly in love with a beautiful, wealthy, young girl whom he surrendered his heart to… Only to have her run away to pound-town for a weekend of sweaty bliss with an old manically depressed summer fling.
Boy, did you pick the wrong nurse Lonny.
WAIT… NO? It’s not about that?!
Ohhhh, Okay, it’s actually about a love story between two-timing Allie (Rachel McAdams) and the obsessive, suicidal, Noah, who let’s be honest here, at his core is a borderline stalker creep. EXCEPT it’s completely acceptable in this movie only because it’s Ryan Gosling.
Replace Gosling with Buscemi to see how damaged this guy really is.
Okay, now here is the hook, it’s REALLY about an old fogie (James Garner) trying to seduce a dementia patient (Gena Rowlands) by reading a handwritten book about a girl abandoning her parents, fiance, and all social responsibilities to retreat to a big house in the bayou that an old obsessed boyfriend bought and refurbished because he once popped her a good one on the floor of the dining room when they were kids.
I brought you here in case you said no. See if you can find the last girl that said no. Here’s a hint…
8 out of 10 thirty-five year old ladies will name this as their all time favorite movie. In all honesty, if they don’t, then you’re in the wrong room, guy. This movie is a glorified lifetime movie that plays the female viewer like a fiddle dipped in chocolate. It’s like Stallone’s inspiration for making The Expendables, and has spawned a vast ocean of “menstruation romance hits” all basically running with the same storyline.
But what about the fellas? No worries! we have a suicidal, reclusive type (obviously the guy from Drive‘s grandson) who dangles from ferris wheels to woo girls, (regardless if they are currently on a date, mind you), lays in the middle of active main roads to stare at street lights, chases potential qualified buyers out of his house for sale by owner (WITH GUNS), and I’ll bet you anything he eats his cereal with the big spoon. Well, he and his buddy, E from Entourage (Kevin Connolly)… which is another “male” version of the notebook, but that’s a story for another time. Anyway, Gosling and E are sent to the front lines of WWII! Here we go guys! Strap it on, finally some war!
A plane flew over, E is dead and now the war is over? Holy hell, THAT’S IT? Ugh. So, wait, is this a story is just all about a cute rich girl deciding who to marry? Obviously the charismatic, fun loving, successful guy, that gets along with her parents, right? wait, HUH? WHY is my wife crying? Quick, fake a phone call and leave the room before she starts drawing unrealistic comparisons to Ryan Gosling.
Okay, to be fair, this is a very watchable movie. I would even say I liked it and found it entertaining. Gosling and McAdams are just likeable people with great chemistry in this film. I’m feeling inspired…
Subliminal moral of this story:
Obsessive stalkers will wait on you hand and foot, and will be the greatest husbands. They will even die on call just for you. So by that math… Creepy, overbearing, verbally abusive types = BEST HUSBANDS EVER!
“He is TRASH, TRASH, TRASH… NOT FOR YOU!”
Tale as old as time; an indecisive, wealthy, self absorbed, young woman giving her giblets away to two encouraging young suitors. A great romance for everyone except the guy she doesn’t choose. Fact is, you cannot be a fan of film and not see this; it is the quintessential “chick flick” and deserves it’s crown.