Miami Connection (1987)

Miami Connection (1987)
Miami Connection (1987) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Five Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Rock band “Dragon Sound” has just bagged their first major job; a paying gig as the house band of Miami’s biggest club.  The band members are using the job to pay their ways through college, and take Taekwondo lessons, and hope to be big someday. However, they cross the path of the band who was fired in order for Dragon Sound to take over.  The band members are also associates of a ravaging drug gang who masquerade as bikers during the day, but emerge as bloodthirsty Ninjas at night.  Meanwhile one of the Dragon Sound band members tries to locate his long lost father.

A Toast

Martial arts master Y.K. Kim’s pet project, conceived for the purpose of making a crowd-pleasing Taekwondo action movie, stressing the importance of friendship, understanding,

Miamicut

 And peace…

The film was a failure when it was originally released, and nearly bankrupted Y.K. Kim.  However in 2012 Drafthouse films oversaw the restoration of the film and promoted it for release, seeing it for what it was; a masterpiece of bad ideas and worse execution.

Beer Two

MMA fighter and Kickboxer Maurice Smith plays Jim, a character whose idea of casual wear is to walk around shirtless with his pants unzipped just enough that his tighty-whiteys are visible.

I wonder why this look never caught on?

Smith’s acting ability is truly a treat to behold, and just about the most depressing thing in life, outside of the death of a childhood pet.  Except that you can’t relive that experience… unless your parents were filming it.  Which begs the question, why was daddy holding the camera, and was Woofred Brimley’s lawnmower accident really an accident?  

Beer Three

Miami Connection has the even pacing and temper of a syphilitic wolverine.  It shifts tempo between kung-fu action movie, inspirational drama, and gritty revenge thriller. If you thought movies like The Room had tonal problems, you still won’t be prepared for the strange segues here.  Of course, that is part of the fun, provided you are ready to accept it.

Beer Four

As an avid music lover, I can say that my interests branch out extensively over many various genres, Blues, Rock, Jazz, Soul, R&B, Gospel, Metal, Classical, and everything in between.  And as an armchair critic on the subject, I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt that Dragon Sound is in fact the greatest band in the history of Rock and Roll.  They are group whose attention to sonic detail is matched only by their fashion sense.

Dragon Sound

 And if you disagree with me, you’re absolutely right.

Beer Five

Watching the Korean Taekwondo master Y.K. Kim struggle through his lines makes for some of the film’s funniest moments.  Drink to the subsequent realization that by laughing at his accent you’ve essentially become part of the problem, you racist bastard…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-6lz5357sg&start=85s

Verdict

5Beers1

Ninja-Biker drug lords vs. 30 year old Taekwondo-trained “College Students” in an R-Rated arena of blood and gore.  Yes, this is terrible…  Yes, this is awesome!

 

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: whenever a Dragon Sound song plays

Take a Drink: when Y.K. Kim struggles through a line reading

Do a Shot: every time Taekwondo is referenced

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

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