Take a Drink: for the snowy model town
Take a Drink: for mountain cat
Take a Drink: for Santa hats
Take a Drink: for Christmas ornaments
Take a Drink: for Hu-man hands
Take a Drink: for Satan, the dog
Take a Drink: to counteract the acid… I dropped acid before this, right?
Do a Shot: whenever the song changes
By: Henry J. Fromage (Six Pack) –
In 1995, the world was forever changed. Jingle Cats was born. Now it’s entering its 20th year of Christmas hegemony, I felt there was no time like the present (hehe, that’s funny to me now, because….
Ahem, anyway, Jingle Cats is a 27 minute long video of cats, and the occasional dog, meowing (and barking) out classic Christmas songs. This is the Original Gangster internet cat video, from before most people could even imagine watching cats sing “Silent Night” over a military grade world-wide telecommunications network.
It’s got cats in it.
“How do you get cats to sing?” you ask. Well, you don’t, because cats have too much innate dignity to put up with that bullshit (a dog totally would, though). No, what you do is splice hundreds of random meows together using what I can only imagine are hundreds of man-hours, then overlay them over a mind-bending clusterfuck of the finest in-camera effects 1995 had to offer.
Reality, or burgeoning brain tumor?
You decide… if you can.
I don’t know if this is intentional or not, but the music starts to subtly degrade at points, like a record running at a slightly lower rpm. After a second or two, the sound returns to normal. The rest of you hear that, right? Right???
Did that dog just make fucking eye contact me? Where’d the sound go? Oh thank heavens, it’s back. It felt like he was staring at me for like 5 seconds. That was really fucking weird. Who is this dead-eyed black hellhound anyway? What’s on his head? Ears? Horns??
That’s….that’s not him. Why is there no record of this demon animal????
It’s like the internet achieved self-consciousness and sent a copy of itself back in time as a warning. An unheeded warning.”
Hahahheehee, that’s a good one. I need to remember that line for my review. This fucking thing is still going. How is this 27 minutes long? Why?? Why are they spinning? Make it stoppp!!!
Huh. I swear they’re barking and meowing a word. Haha, no, of course n… wait, they are!
The ones in the ornaments are saying “Ravage. Ravage everyone in the face.”
What are these humans we only see the hands and legs of? The animals’ handlers? My handler? What do want from me?
Ooh, okay. Yeah, I’ll do it.
They’ll never see me coming, haHAhehoheeeeeeeeeeHUHheeeeeeeeeeeeeee… hoo.
Come. Join me in gazing upon the rostrum of madness. The Truth awaits you. The Truth awaits us all.