Take a Drink: for each new family member we’ll forget in roughly 15 minutes (that should get you started off right)
Take a Drink: (for 2nd or 50th timers) for foreshadowing
Take a Drink: whenever somebody says something that is, frankly, vicious
Take a Drink: every time the statue gets knocked over
Take a Drink: for fourth wall-scratching
Take a Drink: for Angels with Filthy Souls
Take a Drink: for the gold tooth
Take a Drink: whenever Pesci and Stern are foiled again
Take a Drink: when it gets so bad you start to feel sorry for them
Do a Shot: if you totally wished you were Kevin when you were a kid
Do a Shot: for Macauley Culkinface
Do a Shot: John Candy!
By: Henry J. Fromage (Two Beers) –
If you were a child of the 90s, you likely grew up with a lot of dubious heroes, like wise-cracking toxic waste-produced crimes against nature, sociopathic fourth wall-breaking high schoolers, or philandering sportsmen.
Michael, about that mustache…
There’s only one kid we all really wanted to be, though… Kevin McCallister. Who wouldn’t want to be left behind for Christmas while your annoying family fucks off to France? Who wouldn’t want the whole run of the place, getting up when you want, eating pizza for every meal (Ohh… now I get it), and torturing common criminals until their spirits break like rotten doll furniture? Who wouldn’t want to be Home Alone?
Why this film is a Christmas classic isn’t the humor, although it’s reliably hilarious, or its holiday-appropriate love your family message (we’ll get to that) or even Culkin’s now pretty much iconic child acting, but how adeptly director Chris Columbus and screenwriter John Hughes put us in Kevin’s junior-sized shoes.
Aftershave still does this to me.
The movie (and Culkin, which is why he’s so damn good) make us feel the bubbling glee, flights of imagination, strangely weighted fears and priorities, and even innocent, easily offered empathy that Kevin feels. He’s a real kid, no matter how Looney Tunes the finale gets, and Hughes gives him and the script a beating heart in the form of Old Man Marley. Roberts Blossom’s performance in the church gets me every time.
Also, did I mention this shit’s funny? Even the 50th time around you’ll laugh, even if your appreciation shifts as you get older from Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern’s Wile E. Coyote slapstick to Hughes’s typical class, family, and John Candy-driven bits. Also, this might be the perfect drinking game movie, because it’s got callbacks for daayyss.
What kind of parents buy themselves first class tickets and stash their kids in Coach fro the peasants to deal with?
Yeah, Kevin’s family won’t win Family of the Year, and a few of them are probably fated to be white collar criminals at the very least, which they probably get from Dad’s side (notice how easily he lets his wife take care of this pesky missing child problem). Mom tries a lot harder (even if it’s ultimately pointless) but, yeah, she forgot her kid, and thanks to box office success, is fated to do it again.
Also, yeah, it’s pretty cheeseball in parts, but nostalgia will carry you through.
There’s a reason Home Alone is a stone cold Christmas classic. Go pop it in the old VHS player for the 51st time, you won’t be disappointed.