Friday, December 19, 2014
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Hatchet 3 (2013)

Hatchet 3 (2013)

Hatchet 3 (2013)

Hatchet 3 (2013)

By:¬†Christopher Young (Four Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Sequels and remakes have become the cash cows of our beloved industry. We all complain about them but we’re the first ones spitting up that hard earned cash to see a Saw 11 or Paranormal Shit-ivity sequel. The first Hatchet movie was a treat and seemed to harken back to the days of gory slasher flicks like Friday the 13th or Halloween. The 2nd one was more or less a continuation of the first leaving much to be desired. This brings us to the third and supposed final movie in series, Hatchet 3.

All three movies run just under 90 minutes and there is one story across them all. Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder) is down in the Honey Island Swamp killing innocent folks once again. Marybeth ( Danielle Harris) is bound and determined to kill this urban legend once and for all.

A Toast

Being an old school horror fan, I love to see genre faves in current flicks. Hatchet 3 spared no expense as we see cameos from; Derek Meers, Sid Haig, Caroline Williams, and a handful of others. Each of these folks lend themselves well to the film making things all the more believable. My favorite would be the Jason Vorhees face-off. Derek Meers and Kane Hodder have both played the masked killer and now we see them one on one.

The practical effects have once again returned and man does that make a gore hound like me happy. Each smash of flesh, snap of bone and squirt of blood oozes that traditional non-CGI feel that old school fans know and love.

Do I have something on me?

Do I have something on me?

Beer Two

It’s obvious the gore rules here. So, at times the movie’s pacing felt very off. It seemed like out of nowhere we saw a lull and it was time to attempt a little character development. Do what you do well, stick to the gore…

Beer Three

The effects here are pretty top notch. You have blood and guys flying all over the damn place. I did not understand why some of the kills had to be so uninspiring. It was as if they were after a body count and not creativity. Crowley will dispatch many foes and it will be messy but you will find yourself waiting for that next unbelievable kill all too often. My opinion may also be skewed as I went back to the first movie where the kills seemed more original.

Horror geek-gasm time!!!

Horror geek-gasm time!!!

Beer Four

There was an obvious attention given to keeping the flick’s energy up. The action scenes have been multiplied and the intensity turned up. Many times this felt more like an action flick then true slasher horror. Don’t get me wrong, there will be plenty of lil’ jump scares and mad humor to mix in there but it still felt heavy on the action.

Verdict
zzz4beers

Series fans and gore hounds alike will enjoy this lil’ 90 minute romp. The first Hatchet is still the king of this series and Hatchet 2 just felt like a rushed filler giving them time to prep for part 3. The first movie carried a classic slasher feel with a pool of creative kills. H3 tries to do the same but at a faster pace and unfortunately it does not take the crown. Well, if nothing else we got the battle of the Jasons so many have waited for.

Did you hear something?

Did you hear something?

Drinking Game

Do a shot: anytime you can name a classic actor on screen.

Chug a beer: if you can list each Friday the 13th and which actor donned the hockey mask.

Sip a fine Chardonnay: every time you think a kill is about to get epic and just falls flat.

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