God’s Not Dead (2014) A Review by Almond Black

Godsnotdead

By: Almond Black (A Toast) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Editor’s Note: Almond Black is Adjunct professor of Film Studies at the Ted Stevens Institute of Technology.  His views are not necessarily shared by the Editing staff at Movieboozer, however the firearm he has trained on our foreheads at the moment tends to change our mind about certain “creative” disputes.  Read at your own risk…

In today’s modern world the pool of aspiring filmmakers feel as vast as the Pacific Ocean.  And like most seas, the surface is cluttered with flotsam, and the depths are filled with sin.  On occasion, the most valuable of treasures cannot be truly appreciated for what they are without first recognizing the unknowable for what it is, and casting aside all doubt.  God’s not Dead tells the TRUE story of Shane, a student attending University in order to gain knowledge and further his understanding of the world. His life is thrown into turmoil; however, when during a lecture, his professor challenges him to think.

professor
If Professors think they’re so smart, why don’t they get real jobs, like running their father’s Law firm?

A Toast

The Atheist professor in the movie is just another victim of the Liberal agenda against education.  It lifts the veil on the long talked about problem with Public Schools, in that they totally disregard the Church and poison Christian values such as openness and tolerance. The fact remains that Christians love and support people of all faiths; whether it be Evangelicals, Pentecostals, Baptists, or even some Lutherans!

ELCA doesn't count
ELCA doesn’t count

The film features a subplot involving a slightly autistic Chinese boy whose father tells him to believe whatever his professor tells him. In an act of boldness, he defies his father by going to a “Newsboys” concert and texts “God’s Not Dead”  to him.  Oh, did I tell you this movie features music by The Newsboys?  Oh, my god!  You seriously have to hear their album “God’s Not Dead”. It feels like it might be connected in some way, I think… They are such wonderful people, they even let that nice boy sing songs now.  His voice is what I’d imagine Angels in heaven sound like, if there were any black Angels!

It is also so great that the Duck Dynasty man was given such a prominent role, what with the scene where he talks to the reporter girl with Cancer, and his voice message at the end.  It was a brilliant performance which most certainly will get him more roles in major movies (God willing).

The result of the brainwashing that occurs in our schools is that generations are brought up without understanding what it means to be an American Christian.  When I first heard about this film the question which entered my mind is why the student didn’t take this issue to the University’s administration as a violation of his civil rights?  After viewing the movie, I have seen the error of my ways.  As any God-fearing man should have known; “Civil Rights” are little more than a Liberal excuse to propagandize their anti-Christian hate undeterred.  It is for this reason that I was equally moved by the plight of the young Muslim girl whose father beats and forsakes her when she turns to God.  Saracens such as this will undoubtedly be dealt with eventually elsewhere in the world, but why in a free country should we be surrounded by them?

Sikh
Editor’s note: We’re pretty sure this is a Sikh, and… is that gun loaded?…

We have a manifest destiny to bend this land to the will of God, and shape it in his name.  God’s Not Dead is a call to arms to cast-off the yoke of Humanists and deliver them upon a Holy tribunal.  These so-called “Intellectuals” should be forced to accept what is truth, or be dealt with as we would the beasts of burden.  Only after we render sentence upon doubters can we turn our eyes on the Arab threat overseas.  God wills it to be, so it shall be good.

Verdict

AToast-150x150

Director Harold Cronk has fired the first Volley of righteousness directly into the crowds of non-believers. Will you do God’s work and fire the next?

 

Drinking Game

Editor’s Note: For religious reasons Almond Black declined to write a drinking game for this movie.  In keeping with our website’s standards however, we have provided a drinking game based on what our editing team assumes would be accurate given this type of movie.  We truly apologize for the content of this article, but… wait, he’s coming back.  SOMEONE SEND H……..

Take a Drink: whenever Jesus is referenced

Take a Drink: whenever the Newsboys are referenced

Drink a Shot: for completely out of place Duck Dynasty cameos

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

One comment

  1. Edge of alcohol poisoning blackout.

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