Getaway (2013)

GetawayposterByJoel Olivo (Four Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Brent Magna (Ethan Hawke) is forced to race once again, this time however he’s racing the clock… on his wife’s life!… Ok that could have started better, but it honestly summarizes the plot well. I also feel it perfectly demonstrates how much effort was put into the story.

A Toast

This toast goes to Selena Gomez for finding work outside of the Disney stratum. In this film her character doesn’t even have a name but hey it’s a step up from the Wizards of Waverly place. Between this film and Spring Breakers she is on her way to full blown stardom (She’ll be doing straight to DVD horror flicks in no time).

On another note, a toast is warranted for any film which tries to deliver its message sans CGI.

sharknado

Not the easiest of tasks these days…

Beer Two
Director Courtney Solomon was dead set on putting the viewer behind the driver seat, and she succeeded. Unfortunately, we all threw up and then fell asleep. This entire movie felt like it was a Youtube “GOPRO extreme racing” adventure. I was numb, and simultaneously bored like the worst buzz on the planet.

Jon Voight’s lip acting is stupendous in the film. I really believed they were Jon Voight’s lips! With only 2 minutes of actual screen time we see countless close up of his lips often giving us the necessary plot points to continue the story.

Jigsaw

Do you want to play a game?

Beer Three
We are given all of the background story we need in record time (3-5 minutes into the film.) character bios are sprinkled throughout. At least Jigsaw from the Saw franchise was trying to make people appreciate life. This guy just wanted money. Antagonist FAIL.

Beer Four
After staring at those lips for eighty minutes it was a pleasant surprise to see the man behind the lips. However this was not SE7EN and he is not Kevin Spacey. What’s in the box? What’s in the box? Nothing…

Also god bless apps. If it weren’t for app technology and face time, we would have had a hard time connecting with the hack abilities of Selena Gomez. I love purchasing data hacking apps, or blue print apps on my tablet… that’s totally available via the app store…

Gomez

Don’t worry Ethan, I have my Ipad!

Verdict

4Beers

Sitting through this movie was an exercise in patience. There are too many cuts, and the plot rides loose and sloppy, leaving you feeling like dental surgery (a little numb, and confused). I’m all for popcorn movies, but rehashed plots involving races against time and cars leave little to be desired these days and I loathe being set up for sequels….

Drinking Game

Do a Shot: Every time Jon Voight reminds you what the stakes are.

Drink a Beer: Every time there is a close up of Jon Voight’s lips.

Drink a Beer: Every time Ethan Hawke’s character likely committed vehicular manslaughter.

BONUS GAME
Drink a Shot: Every time an “I-device” advances the story!

About Joel Olivo

Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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