Gallowwalkers (2013)

gallowwalkersposterBy: Katherine Balestrini (Five Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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The advert of this film did a great job; it MADE me want to see it, the return of Wesley Snipes in a Western/action movie. What could go wrong?

GallowWalker Principal Photography Day 24

WESLEY SNIPES. GUNS. VIOLENCE = a surprise and not a good one!

Aman is a killer of Gallow Walkers. Aman is a man(who knew!) bent on revenge for the men who raped and killed the woman he loved. A classic tale of revenge with the dead coming back to life for a bit of a twist on the old formula.

A Toast

It does have some moments that relive the tedium; the bloodiness of the bullets going through skulls like a hot knife through butter is a nice touch. Also, the other moments of violence make it a little worth your while.  I really wanted to give up on this movie after 30 minutes, but I pushed through and made it to the end. The end was just meh!

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Epic violence should never just stay in comic books. However, if you can’t do it well, DON’T DO IT!!!

Beer Two

This film tries to be a B movie, but weirdly fails. How hard is it to make a B movie? It’s not even so bad it’s funny, it’s just bad. It sets a pace that is hard to beat, let alone watch. It starts off slow, gets slower, and is so dull it makes you wish you were dead and not coming back.

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The B Movie. Easy to make, hard to watch.

Beer Three

The idea must have looked better on paper. The plot opens up slowly, revealing the story of Aman as the film continues. By the time they have explained the plot for the 4th time, I wish that his mother had never asked the favour.

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Sometimes you should read the signs of the obvious!

Beer Four

Wesley Snipes. Such a great action star, in mine and Sylvester Stallone’s opinion (he is in Expendables 3). Why did he not tell the director to step up the pace? He must have known that his facial hair was not enough to carry this movie. Saying that, his coat is awesome.

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Sometimes you just can’t beat your best.

Beer Five

The scenery, or lack thereof. There is so much nothingness, it reminded me of Tantooine! The side-kick at one point even mentions that you can see people coming for miles. There isn’t even a tumbleweed. There is nothing but sand, sand, a couple of rocks, and a random village of blonde people who are there to be slaughtered and nothing else!!

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Careful, lizard creature, someone might use you as a hat (spoiler!!)

Verdict

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I wanted this film to be like a Western with zombies; it wasn’t. I will have to continue my wait. Until then Mr Snipes, go find your career. I have missed him in movies, but not enough to watch crap!!!

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Drinking Game

Take a Drink:  when someone gets shot to the head

Take a Drink:  every time they do a cleavage shot

Do a Shot: when they explain the plot

Do a Shot: when Wesley shows you his bald head

About Katherine Balestrini

One comment

  1. Loved the premise, sounds like the execution leaves a lot to be desired, though.

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