The Gallows (2015) Movie Review: A Horror Movie in July. How Bad Can it Be?

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: whenever someone says Charlie’s name*

Do a Shot: for every jump scare that works on you

Take a Drink: whenever Ryan says or does something douchey… or simply annoys you.  Any of those options will get you trashed*

*May be hazardous to your health

Community Review

How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Movie Review

By: livingdeadguy (Five Beers) –

The Gallows revolves around Reece, Pfeifer, Ryan, and Cassidy.  Ryan and Reece are friends because they played football together.  Cassidy is a cheerleader and Pfeifer is a drama nerd.

Any guesses where this is going yet?

The school’s drama club is bringing back the story of “The Gallows” for the first time in about 20 years.  Last time it happened, there was an accident on stage that lead to our latest ghostly murderer, Charlie.  Ryan, Cassidy, and Reece go to school after hours for nefarious reasons and Pfeifer happens to see Reece’s car in the parking lot and comes in after them.  Throughout the night, you get your basic escalated hauntings and contact with Charlie until the big reveal.

To be fair, the big reveal is actually a semi-solid ending, albeit immensely predictable.

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Original cast

A Toast

Some of the jump scares got me.  Fair enough.  That’s it.

Beer Two

The characters.  There are no set stereotypes for our four leads.  As this is also a found footage film, you get Ryan’s camera holding and douchey commentary THE ENTIRE TIME.  Ryan and Cassidy are clearly meant to be hated.  They are not nice people.  Ryan’s narration is insufferable.  Reece tries to be nice, but is lead astray by Ryan so he has no redeeming characteristics either.  So that’s three people you WANT dead.  Pfeifer?  I can’t say anything bad about her….

But?  It sounds like there is a but…

But there is nothing good about her either.  No reason to care about her other than innocent drama bystander.  Still not a good reason.

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Stereotypical whorey cheerleader who dies

So the four leads you collectively either want to die or do not care about.  Awesome.  At least it’s only 80 minutes.

Yes, 80.

Beer Three

Ryan.  Ryan is annoying enough throughout to earn his own beer.  I wanted to leave everything character-wise in the second beer but the more and more I thought about it, I simply couldn’t.  From the very onset, his commentary is full of belittlement.  I mean, to that respect he DOES nail his character.  It’s just a terrible character.  You see, the jocks have a required drama credit to take.  Ryan is apparently the one getting to document it all (I often wondered why he was still recording, since as the movie goes on he gets very incriminating video evidence of himself and others).

Beer Four

The only way I know to describe this next one is storytelling.  Or perhaps pace.  Not unlike what the Paranormal Activity franchise has suffered from in the past.  I mentioned earlier that it was 80 minutes.  I think most of us know that movies tend to run in the 90-120 minute range, so 80 minutes actually stuck out when I was looking up times.  The problem?  I’m fairly certain nothing worthwhile started happening until 60ish minutes in.  So, you’ve had your fill of stupid narration and it just drags.  Then… I can’t say it’s rushed, but the amount and the quality of the deaths do not make up for the lead up.

Beer Five

The movie isn’t good.  I wish my screen had been a Cinedine so I didn’t have to finish it sober.  However, there isn’t a lot to this movie.  Four beers picked it apart, but that won’t get you through it.  Five may not either.

Verdict

Nerds will know that movies released in the January for whatever reason are largely terrible.  Any movie that looks good will probably disappoint.  I think a lot of it has to do with our desire to leave the house to attend a movie in the middle of winter.  I know I hibernate.  You can probably make the same basic argument for a horror movie released in the Summer.  I say that as a fan of Insidious, but that was part of a franchise going up against Entourage.  The Gallows is a new horror that doesn’t do a whole lot that is original other than using a noose instead of a machete, chainsaw, or the like.  It also was released against Minions with Inside Out, Jurassic Park, and Terminator: Genisys being surprise holdovers.  So just let that sink in when thinking about 1.  Paying to see it and 2.  Seeing it sober.

5Beers1

 

About livingdeadguy

Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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