By: Henry J. Fromage (Six Pack) –
So, Doogal was a British/French production based on a cult 1960s children series from France and re-dubbed in Britain. That movie was apparently okay or something, but then Harvey Scissorhands got a hold of it…. He recut it and then had a screenwriter add voiceover, pop culture references, and fart jokes… haha, how the fuck do you even ask for that?
As for the synopsis, well, let’s get to that later…
This should tell you all you need to know
To Harvey Weinstein losing money (at one point, this was the lowest-grossing wide release animated film ever). Also, the voice cast included Jon Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, Whoopi Goldberg, Chevy Chase, William H. Macy, Judy Dench, Ian McKellan, Kyle Minogue, Kevin Smith, Bill Hader, and John Krasinski, and all their careers survived, so that’s nice.
Except for Doogal’s… oops
You never want to copy a synopsis, but, well…
According to Imdb, “Doogal is about is the story of Doogal, an adorable candy-loving mutt who goes on a mission to save the world. Doogal must prevent the evil sorcerer Zeebad from freezing the earth forever with the power of the three mysterious legendary diamonds. Joining Doogal on his big quest are pals Dylan, a guitar-playing rabbit, Ermintrude, an opera-singing cow, and Brian, a bashful snail. Hopping on a magic train, they travel over ice-capped mountains, navigate fiery pits of lava, and sail across vast oceans on the perilous journey of a lifetime. Along the way, they learn that the most powerful weapon of all is their friendship – which even Zeebad’s magic cannot destroy!”
Don’t worry, that doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense to anybody, not just you, and that writer did as good a job as is possible describing the plot.
“Boo Yah! That’s off the hook, sir! My bad…” This is the laziest fucking script that I’ve seen in some time. Apparently screen re-writer Butch Hartman decided that a few fart jokes, a smattering of cheesy one-liners, and enough unclever pop culture references to choke a horse is all you need to turn a lackluster foreign animated flick into the next Shrek. Nope.
Or… uh, yep?
While you can certainly blame Weinstein for recutting and redubbing this film, he didn’t animate the damn thing, and boy, is it ugly. The people all look like those Ore-Ida potato smiley-faces, soul-less and vaguely, disquietingly evil, and the animals are even worse. But the spring-assed, mustachioed wizards are the worst, crimes against nature that beg for punishment and extinction.
Kiiilllll me… I should not be!
Now, the fact that the mounts don’t match the voices could be either party’s fault, but that coupled with such uncharismatic voice acting from everyone but consummate pro McKellan responding passively-aggressively. Also, either I had to look up who voiced Doogal to figure out it was a teenage boy and not an eight year old or a woman. Poor kid must have gotten so much shit about this at school.
So, in the end, who’s this movie for? It’s surprisingly violent for young children, and all of the half-assed pop culture “jokes” will fly above their heads, and it’s also too juvenile and kickably earnest for older children. For adults, well… this 80-odd minute movie felt like it was at least three hours long, but in a fickle dimension where time has no meeting, and dread mounts in you as you begin to suspect this is forever now. FOREVER!
Doogal is basically your stoned, none-too-bright cousin doing a shitty rifftrax of a children’s movie that was already ugly and nonsensical enough before he got his hands on it.
Take a Drink: all day. Just all fucking day long.
Take a Drink: for horrible, horrible puns, like “Shake that T-bone!”
Take a Drink: fart jokes. Fuuuuck, fart jokes.
Take a Drink: Zebedee, Zebedee, Zebedee!
Do a Shot: whenever Doogal’s crippling candy addiction is referenced