Casino Royale (1954) Movie Review: “Jimmy Bond” Kind of Says it All

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for card talk

Take a Drink: for stiff drinks

Take a Drink: for phone calls

Take Two: if it sounds like Stephen Hawking is on the other end

Take a Drink: whenever a Lorre line reading reflects a particular lack of fucks given

Do a Shot: “Back-a-rat!”

Do a Shot: “Jimmy”… Jimmy Bond

Community Review

How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

Loading...

Movie Review

By: Henry J. Fromage (Six Pack) –

Nine years before Dr. No, Ian Fleming first got to see his signature creation on film for the first time-  Bond, Jimmy Bond.  You heard me right.

jimmy-bond

Of course he’s American, why do you ask?

Casino Royale tells the tale of American card-sharp Jimmy Bond (Barry Nelson) and his casino stand-off with the notorious Le Chiffre (Peter Lorre).  This game has higher stakes than normal, because the stakes… are life and death!

A Toast

This was a live television production, so credit where credit’s due- it’s not a complete disaster.  Michael Pate as Clarence (?) Leiter cuts a much more Bondian figure than ‘ol Jimmy.  His hard-boiled exposition sets the stage nicely. Also, there are far, far worse Bond girls out there than Linda Christian.

Beer Two

This was basically a filmed play, and the production values, particularly when the “action” starts, definitely prove it.  By all accounts, nobody was properly prepared for the live broadcast, and boy does it show.

do-it-live

Bad call.

Beer Three

Apparently, the producers considered the near entire appeal of the novel Casino Royale stems from all the card playing.  Nobody needs to watch this much card playing.

boring-poker

This is not sports, ESPN.

Beer Four

Speaking of things nobody should ever waste time watching, Bond as a blonde American card player named Jimmy ranks high on the list.  Nelson apparently complained about how little rehearsal time he had, but no amount of practice would ever make that work.

Beer Five

Where the film really takes a turn into Mystery Science Theater 3000 territory is a third-act torture scene that is certifiably the lamest I’ve ever seen.  Everything past that point is comedy gold.

casino-royale-1954-torture

Owie!

Beer Six

The worst feature of Casino Royale is its best on paper- Peter Lorre.  Apparently Lorre was in dire financial straights- enough to take bit villain parts on TV.  He seems determined to put exactly as much effort into his performance as that might suggest.  He’s so spectacularly unmotivated that it’s almost depressing, leading up to a death scene that has to be one of the most half-assed ever put to film.

Verdict

The behind the scenes stories tell the tale of a production that should probably never have attempted a live performance in the first place.  If MST3K is looking for Bond-themed episode leading up to November 6th, this is the one they’re looking for.

Six Pack

About Henry J. Fromage

Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!