Take a Drink: at every racial, gay, etc “joke.”
Take a Drink: BOOBIES!
Take a Drink: whenever Phil drinks from the tap.
Take a Drink: for every offensive or comical t-shirt Phil wears. (Speaking of, he wears one that says “What are you looking at dickface?” I’m pretty sure that’s an homage to the shirt Styles wears in Teen Wolf, however the correct phrase is “What are you looking at dicknose?” God, this movie!)
Take a Drink: whenever that one Rob Schneider-wannabe guy rips off his shirt and yells “Who wants to fuck?!”
Take a Drink: every time someone mentions the essay contest (do ya think that might be foreshadowing!?)
Do a Shot: whenever someone yells “GO BRONCOS!”
Chug: until it’s over.
By: BabyRuth (Five Beers) –
From the writer of AMERICAN PIE PRESENTS BETA HOUSE & THE NAKED MILE (see how it looks like three movies including the original American Pie and not two movies you’ve never heard of?) comes Last Call, a soon-to-be streaming new comedy (from 2012) starring Christopher Lloyd, Tara Reid, Tom Arnold, and some other people you may have seen in other things!
Cousins Danny (Travis Van Winkle) and Phil (Ryan Hansen) O’Donnell are underachieving losers in their late twenties. Danny is slightly less of a loser since he supports Phil and seems to have a little common sense, though his hair is ridiculous so that pretty much evens it back out. Regardless, they’re dumbass manchildren who the audience is supposed to find hilarious and charming, as is the case in movies like this.
So of course they have girlfriends who are way too good for them. Lindsay (Tara Reid) or Lindz-with-a–Z has been trying to convince Danny to interview for a job in her father’s insurance company so they can begin to focus on their future together. Phil’s girl Janine (Diora Baird) may be a stripper now, but she’s only dancing to pay for law school. She’s been pushing Phil to move in together since they’ve been dating for over two years, but you know how these charming movie manchildren are about commitment.
After a drunken evening resulting in property damage, Danny’s dad (Christopher Lloyd, who could not say no to a role in 2012) gets arrested and ordered to rehab, leaving Danny and Phil in charge of running the family business, a pub called O’Donnell’s.
Aside from a handful of regulars (hi Clint Howard!), the bar is usually pretty empty and on the brink of financial ruin. Danny and Phil must figure out a way to keep the pub, their house, and their Xbox. Will it involve zany, hair-brained, and maybe even illegal schemes? Will there be boobies? Will you regret wasting an hour and twenty-four minutes of your life watching this movie when you could have been spending that time in an actual bar?
I’ll raise my glass to whoever did Tara Reid’s makeup. She looks very pretty. Seriously, if nothing else, I got some eyeshadow inspiration from this movie. I’ll also give a toast to Tara herself for 1) starring in a film about drinking after her much publicized troubles with booze…
2) and also for starring in a film with the title of Last Call.
Ryan Hansen tries his damnedest to be funny in spite of the material. It’s sad to watch because he is very good in other things (for instance the second and third seasons of the ingenious Bachelor spoof webseries Burning Love), but no one would be able to make this stuff funny.
Lastly, Christopher Lloyd with an Irish accent is entertaining.
For about five minutes.
You can tell just by looking at the poster that this is one of those raunchy, lowbrow, oh-my-god-look-at-us-pushing-the-boundaries comedies. Okay, no problem, I’m cool with that. But those kind of movies still need to be funny and as I already mentioned this one just is not. At all. Not even a little bit. I didn’t laugh or almost-laugh once. There’s nothing new here that hasn’t already been done a million times before, a million times better.
Like the straight-to-video American Pie sequels and anything by Friedberg and Seltzer, this movie goes by the logic that simply just inserting something offensive and/or ridiculous into a scene equals a fully-formed joke. It’s lazy, uninspired, and aggravating. It’s not even sophomoric humor, it’s freshman-ic.
Unless you find drunk-driving jokes hilarious or think the idea of an Asian man owning a pizzeria and wearing an “Italian Sex Machine” t-shirt while screaming “Ah Fungoola!” is groundbreaking comedy. Then you’ll love it and also, congrats on your upcoming puberty!
Yes, “it’s as if a thirteen-year-old boy wrote it,” is a criticism often used in cases of movies like this, but it is no exaggeration here. I would be very surprised to learn that a thirteen-year-old boy didn’t write it. A thirteen-year-old boy who likes boobies. Lots of boobies. So much so that he includes an unnecessary scene of a tertiary character masturbating to porn for no other reason than just to show a porn clip. A thirteen-year-old boy who wants to drink beer –like, how cool would it be if there were bars that served kids? A thirteen-year-old boy that thinks ATM machines have talking speakers. A thirteen-year-old boy that doesn’t understand how the American Judicial System works.
Tara Reid’s character is intended to be a spoiled rich girl who tries to change Danny into someone he is not. The controlling shrew that he must eventually stand up to because he doesn’t really want to work in some stuffy office the rest of his life. Except she’s really not. She puts up with his childish bullshit, makes excuses for him, and even offers to help him by working at the bar. The one time she gets (understandably) upset is after he lies to her about not serving liquor to high school kids. That bitch! As for that terrible office job, it’s a source of income and more than he had before. What a jerk she is! One character states that “she makes him miserable.” But he never seemed miserable; in fact he seemed pretty happy with her up until the movie called for him not to be.
Likewise, the character of Phil is supposed to be the wild, never-wants-to-grow-up jokester while Danny is the more responsible one. But throughout the film, the characters swap roles, as if the (thirteen-year-old?) writer forgot which one he was writing.
And then don’t forget the tacked-on heartwarming resolution where we’re supposed to care about all these awful people.
Again, it’s all just so damn lazy.
Like the main characters, this movie is an underachiever. It is neither wonderfully next-level bad nor horribly unwatchable wretched, which are the two ways a movie can earn a six-pack rating. It’s just there… existing, for some reason. So I’m giving it what I consider the worst rating on our scale: five beers. That fifth beer is usually the difference between a good night and the beer shits the next day and this movie is definitely the beer shits.
(I wouldn’t know personally, but I’ve heard from guys.)
It’s really too bad. A booze-themed film site and a movie about a bar should be a match made in heaven and if I got even one, ONE, decent laugh from this, I would have been a little more forgiving.
There are six other movies listed on IMDB with the title Last Call. I haven’t seen any of them but I wholeheartedly recommend watching any of those over this one.