Burnt (2015) Movie Review: Bradley Cooper Scorches

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time Bradley has blood drawn.

Take a Drink: every time things conveniently happen.

Take a Drink: every time someone throws something.

Take a Drink: every time you think “Why the fuck am I still watching this?”

Do a Shot: Seriously, just take a shot… you’re going to need it.

Community Review

How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Movie Review

By: Hank Bagwell (Four Beers) –

So lets put pen to paper- or in my case fingers to keypad- and talk about Burnt.  Let me start off by saying that Bradley Cooper delivers his best performance so far.  I wish that were enough to make me want to go see it again, buy the dvd, or hell- rent it on Red Box, but it’s not.

A washed up chef, played by Cooper, winds up in New Orleans after a terrible stint in Paris.  He finds work as he hustles one important figure against another, although I still don’t understand the motivations of each person’s involvement to propel the story.  Anyway, he lands a job as a head chef, recruits a team, and sets sail for his third star.

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During this crusade he finds his nemesis  in the same city and the war begins- wait… no.  Scratch that.  No war.  They just kind of don’t like each other and then they do?  Truth is, the writing is absolutely predictable, but somehow Mr. Cooper makes it bearable.  It’s not very exciting and none of the pieces make any sense.  However, if you are looking for a movie to take a girl to that will increase your chances of getting laid, this one might do the trick.  Bradley Cooper and food is the only appeal this film has.  It is truly my suggestion to play the drinking game with this film and hope you don’t remember it.

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A Toast

The only reason this film didn’t get a full six pack and a case of bourbon from me is because of Cooper.  He truly delivers a brilliant performance and even though the rest of it is complete shit, he alone is the reason to give it a chance.

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Beer Two

The writing is more predictable than an episode of Dora the Explorer.  I hated it.  Bad guys show up without explanation, lines of dialogue seem awkward and only in place because someone thinks the audience is stupid, and things fall into place way too easily- “Hey, we are in outer space.  How are you smoking?”  “Oh, we just invented the Apternueronascopeatronashen.”  “Oh.  Okay.”

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Beer Three

The writing is so bad it deserves two beers in and of itself.  Maybe the writer was playing drinking games from other Movie Boozer reviews while he was writing it.  Surely that must be the case.  At least he enjoyed himself.  Who green-lit this garbage??

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Also, the conflict just isn’t there!  There’s no sense of competition, camaraderie, or even self-loathing after the first ten minutes.

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Beer Four

Did I mention the writing?

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Verdict

I just wanted so much more from this film.  I even thought that I wasn’t their target audience and maybe I just didn’t “get it”, but I really don’t think that’s the case.  I enjoyed it for what it was and Bradley truly knocks it out of the park, but it just wasn’t enough.  Thank God he’s pretty because the movie isn’t.  My final word- Bradley scorches but the rest is toast.

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a4Beers

About Hank Bagwell

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