Annabelle (2014)

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time you see “Annabelle”.

Do a Shot: for every “jump” scare. (This might kill you)

Do a Shot: every time the main character’s sanity is questioned.

Pour One Out: for originality in horror movies.

Community Review

How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Movie Review

By: Frankie B. (Three Beers) –

Annabelle follows in the footsteps of James Wan’s Insidious and The Conjuring, serving as a spin-off and prequel to the latter. Horror movies are money-making machines for Hollywood, low-cost productions that only need one big weekend to make a ton of profit. Annabelle is also another “sequel” that is completely unneeded. Could someone let Hollywood know that original horror movies usually work and sequels are usually awful?

Annabelle follows newly married couple Mia Gordon (Annabelle Willis) and John Gordon (Ward Horton), who are seemingly the perfect suburban couple. Some crazy cultists come along, slaughter the next door neighbors, and then set their sights on the Gordons. In the ensuing scuffle, the cultists are killed by the police but not before completing a ritual with a doll in the Gordon’s unborn child’s room. Supernatural happenings start to occur around the doll and the family soon realizes that their baby is in danger.

FYI: The real life Annabelle doll is pretty adorable. Still wouldn't fuck around with is though.
FYI: The real life Annabelle doll is pretty adorable. Still wouldn’t fuck around with it though.

A Toast

The central performance from Annabelle Willis is actually what keeps this movie rolling along. She plays the frightened mother extremely well, and really hooks you into caring for her and her child’s safety. Ms. Willis dominates the screen and carries the movie on her back, would have been nice to see what she would have done with a script that didn’t treat her character as a giant stereotype (helpless housewife). The first 15-20 minutes of the movie are super suspenseful with great use of subtle foreshadowing. The “Annabelle” doll is used very sparingly throughout the movie, which is a great decision considering the threat that a porcelain doll presents is minimal at best. I still believe that this could have been marketed as a stand alone horror movie, instead of being tied at the hip with The Conjuring.

You definitely want your kid to cuddle with this, right?
You definitely want your kid to cuddle with this, right?

Beer Two

To be perfectly honest. this movie is pretty fucking pointless. I’m not really sure that audiences were clamoring for a spin-off movie of a doll introduced in The Conjuring. Not to say that the concept of the haunted doll has been done better in the past, but the fact that Annabelle is a weird spin-off/prequel just hurts it. If you haven’t seen The Conjuring, you should watch it after seeing this. The whole thing will flow a lot smoother.

The OG haunted doll. I still maintain that I would kick the shit out of him given the opportunity.
The OG haunted doll. I still maintain that I would kick the shit out of him given the opportunity.

Beer Three

It would have really helped if this movies was scary, at all. There are no real stakes in the couple being haunted. No one is really at risk of being killed, unless you happen to try to mess with the spirit. The doll is there mostly to terrorize the audience and really only factors into the on-screen action in a meaningful way a couple of times.

Summarization of my thoughts on this movie.
Summary of my thoughts on this movie.

Verdict

In a year with virtually no worthwhile horror movies, Annabelle stands on top of the mediocre mountain. If you had a burning desire to see the origin story of the creepy doll from The Conjuring, then this is right up your alley. If you don’t like creepy ass porcelain dolls, then you may want to avoid this one.

3beers

About Frankie B.

A kid from New York that fell in love with the magic of movies. Fascinated by every facet of the movie industry. Really love B-quality horror movies and psychological thrillers. Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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