America (2014)

Warning: This shit is about to get political. If you disagree with any of the opinions in the below review; feel free to fuck yourself right off to the “comments” section, thank you.

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: whenever Dinesh uses a single isolated example to apply to all cases

Drink a Double Shot: when Dinesh references his own past work as a source

Take a Drink: for every straw man argument constructed

Drink a Shot: any time you feel like throwing your drink at the screen

Community Review

How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Movie Review

By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Six Pack) –

“What would the world be like without America?” is a question asked at the beginning of Dinesh D’Souza’s film America.  This is a question which inspires a great deal of pondering by the director.  Using re-enactments of historical events and contemporary interviews with historians of note, D’Souza is determined not only to show why the world is better off with The United States of America, but that if the country never existed; the world would be a far worse place.

A Toast

At least the above description is what Dinesh D’Souza wants you to believe the film is going into the theater.  Alas, in a classic example of bait-and-switch not seen in theaters since Steven Seagal’s untimely death in the first act of Executive Decision, the 2014 film America quickly switches gears.

ExecutiveDecision

Using Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States” as a template for arguments against American Exceptionalism, D’Souza attempts to debunk these arguments one by one.

Beer Two

D’Souza’s arguments are deeply researched and carefully constructed; such as the one about genocide and mass killings having only occured at the hands of pre-American colonial powers like Spain. That sounds like something that would be true.  Let’s drink a toast to truth!

Sandcreek
Sand Creek Massacre
Wounded Knee
Wounded Knee Massacre
My Lai Massacre
My Lai Massacre

Oh?…… Oh.

Beer Three

D’Souza also argues that the brilliance of our founding fathers, and of the U.S. Constitution, was how forward thinking it was; in that it set the stage to open up freedom to oppressed minorities. Yes, it took 80 years to free the slaves, and another 100 years to achieve equal rights, but America offered this opportunity, whereas other countries didn’t….

UnionJack
1833: Slavery Abolished in Great Britain (32 years before American abolition by the Thirteenth Amendment)

Ah, so…

How about the argument that America didn’t steal Mexican lands, but rather annexed lands populated by peoples who were being oppressed by the Mexican government, and wanted freedom?

Slavery: Illegal in Mexico
Slavery: Illegal in Mexico. (Among other things, the “oppressed” Tejanos fought for the right to own slaves)

Beer Four

How about the Economy!  The United States is the greatest country on Earth because it allows anyone with an enterprising spirit to overcome small beginnings and become a captain of industry!

Nikola Tesla
Winklevoss Twins

 

Edwin Armstrong
Edwin Armstrong

Or the right to have your ideas quashed and/or stolen by the bigger, more powerful competition, and your reputation ruined.

Beer Five

According to America; Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were both disciples of Saul Alinsky; a Community Organizer whose goals were to bring the American Government as we know it down from the inside by shaming the rich and making the poor distrust and hate those in power.  In Dinesh D’Souza’s mindset; those who are successful got that way by working harder than everyone else, and by producing better product than the average person.  By instituting social reforms such as Welfare, we are creating a population of  people who will never feel the need to work for an honest day’s pay.

The Longer Dinesh D’Souza talks; the closer he appears to a caricature from 19th century political cartoons…

38_00392
case in point…

Beer Six

After spending an hour and a half chastising the political Left for being morally corrupt and scheming individuals, Dinesh D’Souza admits guilt for his own crime of being a morally corrupt, scheming individual.  Though he never states what his crime is; instead stating simply that he “made a mistake”, allow me to enlighten you:

Screen Shot 2014-07-05 at 9.45.37 PM
Click the image to read the full article

So please, by all means put your faith in the arguments of a shill who is willing to break the law to accomplish his partisan goals.

Verdict

America is an excellent country in which to live, but to pretend that it is the single only refuge of enlightenment only shows how unenlightened an individual he is.  I’ll put this as delicately as possible; fuck Dinesh D’Souza and the tea-bagging horse he rode in on.

Six Pack

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they’re confused about something) at least a few times a week. I’ve gotten way off track here… The point is, Oberst is one of the website’s founders, so… yeah

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