By: Henry J. Fromage (Five Beers) –
Friend Request, or Facebook Witch, as I have now named it for posterity, is about a college girl who, *shudder*, friends someone SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW. Predictably, that person is a crazy internet stalker who kills herself and then haunts her from beyond the grave plus is totally a Facebook witch.
Well, the “I’m a tortured soul who spins the turntables if you know what I mean while watching Tim Burton movies” artsy animations are kinda cool.
Even the crazy disturbed girl is Hollywood attractive.
What a ghoul…
Also, she and her medical student boyfriend have one of those real estate porn all-glass Los Angeles lofts that Patrick Bateman wouldn’t feel out of place in.
Well, everyone is Hollywood attractive except for the comic relief (Hollywood) fat friends who are obnoxious in their attempts at talking like the kids talk these days and who are obviously the first ones who will die.
Also one of them is totally an internet hacker who confirms that this may just be A FACEBOOK WITCH OH FUCK!!!
This is the weirdest thing I found image searching ‘Facebook Witch’. I kinda feel let down.
Filmmaking-wise and scares wise, this is even more predictable than the script. Wavy internet text and photos and bizarre grainy pictures? Check. Jump scares with long, obvious lead-ins and the same canned scream these films have been using for a century? Check. Bleary blue and grey tinted anonymously professional cinematography? Check. I can’t stress enough how much this film is everything you assumed it was the first second you saw a poster.
PS- Try guessing the deaths in order. I succeeded! (It’s not that hard).
Remember that cell phone horror movie from 2008?
I know you didn’t.
This is exactly the same kind of decade-late pearl-clutching horror for teens produced by some old white dude who got his studio start as Cecil B. DeMille’s pageboy that comes out periodically.
Friend Request dares to deliver the very real public service announcement, “Be careful who you Friend Request!”. Yes, it’s exactly the garbage you expected.
Friend Request (2017) Drinking Game
Take a Drink: for jump scares, obviously
Take a Drink: for “Facebook”
Take a Drink: for Facebook “error messages”
Take a Drink: for INTERNET WITCHERY
Take a Drink: for creepy videos
Take a Drink: for mirrors
Do a Shot: if you ever actually jump. You suck at movies.