By: Henry J. Fromage (Six Pack) –
In 2010, the classic Lewis Carroll tale Alice in Wonderland was violated by an attempt at slapping a bunch of technicolor bullshit over the pretty light framework of the story and spinning commercial gold out of chintzy animated thread.
Agreed, the Tim Burton version was a pretty terrible 2010 Alice in Wonderland, but…
I’m talkin’ ’bout dis shit.
Yes, there were two Alice in Wonderlands in 2010, with this one taking the 1948 radioplay and overlaying it with some of the most amateur and Lovecraftian animation your eyes have ever feasted upon.
We’ve watched some awful animated films here at MovieBoozer…
This is a thing that exists on our planet.
…but good God the pure animal stupefaction this Alice in Wonderland engenders is worth a respectful raise of the glass.
As Oberst pointed out in his 365 Days of Movies post, the “State of the Art” animation appears to be the most amateur Macromedia Flash animation you’ve ever seen. That still doesn’t… quite describe what you’re about to see. These were artistic choices that a human made. Somebody saw this and said, “I’m done. This is ready for the world to see”. Somebody… unclassifiable.
Even if a child proudly presented this to me, I would slap them in the face until my wrist got tired.
The mouths… horror of horrors, the mouths. None of the mouths operate in the same way as animated, and all are a new and bed-shittingly nightmare-inducing flavor of wrong. I both need to know and pray fervently I’ll never discover where the animator sees mouths that operate in this fashion.
I can’t even begin to try to parse what the teeth are supposed to be in this situation.
The animation is so brain-numbingly terrifying that it takes awhile before you start to realize that it’s fitting the radio show perfectly. You see, this voice of Elmer Fudd-starring radio show is a teeth-chatteringly insane ordeal, too, and you start to wonder whether listening to it softened the animator’s brain into the precise type of mush required to visualize it. The cries of the pig-baby, they haunt my waking moments as much as they’ll assuredly haunt my eternal rest.
An then you reach the realization, as you hear lines that must be straight from the Lewis Carroll original brought to soul-desecrating animated life, that both the aural and the optical tortures you’re being subjected to seem to cradle perfectly the synapse-melting prose that’s befouling your childhood memories like a raccoon turd happily disintegrating into a warm vat of Chipotle seasoned beef. Lewis Carroll was a fucking hack.
And almost assuredly a pedo, which explains… so much.
The worst part of this film is that, like an invading spore that slowly hijacks your nervous system, this film feels like it demands to be shared, demands you to help it infect the healthy, demands you to inject its viscous evil directly into the eye-holes of the nearest host you can grab.
Guys. Guys! GUYS!
If this Alice in Wonderland doesn’t make you want to take Samuel Coleridge Taylor-levels of opium in an effort to escape the chattering insanity of a world in which something like this exists, you’re officially dead inside.
Alice in Wonderland (2010) Drinking Game
Take a Drink: for each new horrific perversion of how a mouth looks or moves
Take a Drink: whenever Alice changes size (there’s a reason this one’s not a shot)
Take a Drink: every time you feel tempted to shield your eyes from the terror
Take a Drink: whenever a grating radio performance makes you think this is the perfect visualization of it
Do a Shot: if you start to wonder whether Lewis Carroll was a garbage writer