Author Archives: livingdeadguy
If not for Die Hard being considered the greatest action movie of all time, the third entry in the chronicles of John McClane would easily be the best. An R-rated Die Hard with Mr. McClane back in New York (mind you, the film begins with him suspended by the NYPD) doing his thing. On this trip, he teams with Samuel L. Jackson against more Germans (logical, to complete what they probably thought was the end of the Die Hard franchise with an arc back to German baddies), this time headed by Jeremy Irons (who is better in this than Family Guy makes him out to be in general).
Identity Thief is about this guy with a “unisex” name of Sandy Bigelow Paterson. He lives in Denver. So who better to steal his identity than Melissa McCarthy from Bridesmaids and Mike & Molly? What? No answer? That’s right, because there is no one better!! McCarthy’s character, who goes by various names in the movie, lives in Winter Park, Florida and has successfully stolen MISTER Paterson’s (Jason Bateman) identity. With a lot going on in his life, he opts to not wait the 6 months to a year that it could take to clear his name wherever she may smear it which means only one thing: road trip. Once Bateman gets to Florida the movie turns into a bit of a rip on Due Date. Instead of a baby being due, it’s Paterson’s career that’s on the line. Oh the suspense!
I have yet to see anything bad from Jason Bateman that gets a theatrical release or multiple seasons on TV. For McCarthy on the other hand, I have only seen Bridesmaids. I haven’t seen her show, but I follow the flock and listen to the critics and am never disappointed by her work. Team them up with the T-1000 and a surprising performance by rapper T.I. and it’s a solid movie. I enjoyed T.I. in this far more than I’d care to admit and I think something that helped a lot was he did just enough to show potential without drowning (he only tried being funny, not dramatic acting. Relax).
I would have enjoyed a bigger role for everyone-aside from Bateman-that was chasing after McCarthy. The T-1000 and T.I. are among her pursuers and I never said either had to talk any more than they do. Hell, Robert Patrick had little to no lines in T2! I just would have enjoyed either bigger parts for them or a bigger conclusion at the end. The premise of the movie actually took away from a few of the spots I would have liked to have seen more of.
He literally plays the red neck version of the T-1000 in this.
More cameos! Come on, in Due Date we had Danny McBride and Jamie Fox. This time we got Jon Favreau and Eric Stonestreet (whom you may know better as the director of Iron Man and the big gay guy in Modern Family). Such a shame, I mean Will Arnett could have killed it as any character in this!
Wouldn’t you want a boss like him?
This was a brilliant comedic team up. Don’t get me wrong, I kinda feel like a few beers are deserved given the talent involved, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I don’t like Zach Galifinakis and I liked Due Date more than this. I will end with this: given the characters that McCarthy has played in both this and Bridesmaids, I think Melissa McCarthy has great potential to be the next Chris Farley in terms of as larger comedians go. I think it has a bit to do with the exaggerated or “over” acting that she does, not unlike Farley or even Jim Carrey.
Do a Shot: when McCarthy’s character starts singing (every new song she starts)
Take a Drink: when the belt turns into an elephant
Do a Shot: for every throat punch
Right, so after the movie, I said on Twitter that Statham was going to kick my ass over this review. Quite frankly, I hope he is kicking his agent’s ass. Parker is a movie about the people that pull off heists. Not so much bank heists, but object heists as well (that is to say that they play no favorites in the bills vs. jewelry game). Now I say it’s about the people who pull them off and it sounds like a show on A&E or History. The film starts off with a group of five men- each with a specific and integral part in said heist. Later on, Statham wants no part in future jobs and he is left for dead. The entire movie then becomes one long and stupid storyline of him getting revenge. Jennifer Lopez is thrown in for some reason as a love interest that does nothing particularly special and nearly all she does is get in the way.
I picked this movie because it has Jason Freaking Statham and he has not let me down yet. Lock Stock, Snatch, Transporter Trilogy, Crank, Expendables- you name it, he brings it. Fight scenes are obligatory for him by now and you will not be totally let down in that respect.
Why stray from what you’re good at?
Jason Statham is and plays badasses. I’m pretty sure that’s all his resume says by now is “certified bad ass”. What happens in this movie is that he isn’t given a back story other than being reliable and a man of his word. “I say I’ll do it and I do it” is the quote if not a paraphrase you often hear from him. Though he obviously wins every fight in the movie…it’s not a complete ass kicking as per usual (or as it should be).
I suppose the intent of the movie is Statham doing a kind of covert stakeout of sorts which just looks terrible on him. He is forced to wear a Texas accent for part of the movie (hence the cowboy hat) which was just all kinds of wrong. And while I’m talking about voices in this beer….you know that Nick Nolte mug shot from years back with the crazy hair and Hawaiian shirt? Well, he now sounds exactly how that picture looks.
Would you believe he once played Hulk’s father?
Everything from Jennifer Lopez to the drawn out “stakeout” as I’m calling it was really not needed. At all. They helped the movie become a near unbearable 1 hour 58 minutes. I liken it to Nic Cage’s Knowing in that there are maybe only a few scenes worth watching. Unfortunately, I think there may have been more worth watching in Cage’s movie than Statham’s…but that’s mainly because no matter how much Jason Statham gets beaten up vs. an opponent, HE WILL finish the fight.
About J-Lo… so, so useless. Her character brought in pointless conflict and all the conflict audiences want is Statham’s fist conflicting with someone’s face.
This must have been the best action movie Jason Statham could get his hands on between shooting Expendables 1 & 2. That’s the only reason I can think of for him to have taken this movie. Maybe he wanted to pay for a Ferrari up front and was going to use this pay check to do it? Total let down (for a Jason Statham movie).
Take a Drink: when the Brit goes (… rather tries to go) Texan
Do a Shot: when he talks about doing what he says he’s going to do
Do a Shot: every time you want the movie to end
Billy Crystal is a national treasure. It’s no wonder why the Academy defaults to him to host the show when they need him. He has a certain air of timeless class to him. Anyway, Parental Guidance is about grandparents (Billy Crystal and Bette Midler) that are asked to essentially babysit their daughter’s three kids for a week. This becomes a bit of an old-style parenting vs new-style of parenting duel, which is best shown at baseball game midway through the movie. The moral is really “let your kids be happy” as opposed to “let’s nurture the child prodigy.”
Fun Size is one of the movies that makes a 25 year old gore hound like me enjoy kids movies.
The movie is about Wren (Victoria Justice) tracking down her kid brother on Halloween night. Her best friend is tugging on her all night to forget about him and go to the party with the hot guy. The nerd with a crush on Wren is as awkward as you’d expect and tries to help her in her search in every way possible. Kid brother runs into a gas station and is taken on an adventure by the attendant. And three Disney characters make cameos in a Nickelodeon movie.
The movie had some laughs and decent references. The trailer I know has the chicken humping the car and that is among the high points. Another factor that deserves Toast mention is the underlying message to not only the intended audience, but to a broader one. 1. Responsibility (on Halloween) and 2. A family trying to return together and move on from tragedy.
Remember kids: always use protection
Chelsea Handler was severely mishandled. It’s not that the role was wrong per say, but given a horribly short amount of screen time.
Yes, Chelsea Handler is in a school girl outfit and I still say she was mishandled.
Okay, I know I had laughs in the Toast, and granted there were some. But they also tried many more times and did not hit the mark. Mainly in the poor taste/bathroom humor arena-simply Nickelodeon trying to appease everyone possible.
I liked this movie a surprising amount. It had enough laughs, surprises, people named Fuzzy, and a solid message that I appreciated seeing.
Take a Drink: every something inappropriate for the intended kid audience happens.
Do a shot: every time the kid brother does something no eight year old should do.
For those that don’t know, Joseph Gordon-Levitt career began with a television show called 3rd Rock From The Sun. Though, he’s more recognized as the star from movies such as (500) Days of Summer, Inception, and The Dark Knight Rises. That’s one indie movie, two supporting roles from Christopher Nolan films, as well as GI JOE: Rise of the Cobra for which he played Cobra Commander — not bad. This time around though, it’s the JGL show. Premium Rush documents a few hours in the day of a NYC bike messenger with a very sensitive package *snicker*. In a lot of ways, this is The Transporter on bicycles. Not a bad thing, surprisingly. When was the last time you saw a movie about people on bicycles/bike messengers? That Lance Armstrong biopic probably won’t happen now so you don’t even have one to look forward to! Anyway, the movie is JGL (known in this movie as “Wiley”) trying to take an envelope to Chinatown. There are a few cops trying to stop him for various reasons and of course a rival messenger.
Okay, so maybe he didn’t look like the Cobra Commander we’re used to…
One of the biggest continued gripes about movies these days is the lack of originality. Everything is a sequel or a reboot. I mean, you can refresh my memory in the comments, but again, when was the last time there was a movies about a bike messenger? A familiar faced, but lesser known cast was also pleasant to see. That’s largely because this film is completely intended to be a vehicle for JGL to get bigger, better roles.
Secondary parts of the film are things I rarely comment on because they never stick out to me. For Premium Rush though, both the cinematography and soundtrack did a great job at enhancing the movie. Between those and the chase scenes, the movie came off that much better.
How the story is presented…let’s say the editing job was poor. There was a lot of jumping back and forth in the timeline to explain things that go confusing. Each cut was almost its own mini story that was titled with a time stamp and you basically had to figure out what happened and where in the storyline it took place. It was one of the movies where a few different parts of the plot are happening at once and while it’s all presented to you, you have to figure out how it all fits. That got confusing.
At first glance, the movie is cheesy. Someone got smart though and pitched it to JGL as a fun movie to take the lead in. It comes at a perfect time where he had a big role in The Dark Knight Rises and is opposite Bruce Willis in Looper later this year. I signed up for it because after all the work I’ve seen from JGL, I trust him to deliver. Not only that, but the better this movie does, the bigger his roles will be, sooner. His star is rising like Chris Hemsworth’s and Channing Tatum’s right now. The movie isn’t nearly as good as his previous ones but it’s not supposed to be. It’s a good, exciting movie about NYC bike messengers with a young up and coming lead. See it.
Say what you will about Premium Rush, you know it’s better than this would be. Think it’s completely made up? Google “Taylor Lautner Tracers”. I dare you.
Take a Drink: whenever this feels like The Transporter on bicycles
Take a Drink: every time Google Maps misses a cheap plug
Do a Shot: each time brakes are discouraged
Take a Drink: for every stunt they do. Not as deadly as it sounds.
Take a Shot: for every wipe out. Okay, this will kill you. Instead, take one each for burned abs and engines dying.
Take a Drink: for every stunt YOU WOULD do
Take a Shot: for every stunt YOU WOULD NOT do
Read the full Nitro Circus 3D (2012) Review
Have you seen Jackass? Do you like the X-Games? Well then I have the perfect movie for you! Nitro Circus 3D is just that. There were even interview segments throughout the movie with both Jeff Tremaine, director of the Jackass trilogy (can’t believe I just typed Jackass trilogy, I need a drink just for that), and Johnny Knoxville (do I really need to say who he is?) who says that the two entities have the same mother but two different fathers. That the difference between Jackass and Nitro Circus is that Jackass is just pranks meant to fail, whereas in Nitro… you fail, you die.
*insert Russian accent here* Good day comrades! So you here to read about movie Chernobyl Diaries. For those not know, Chernobyl was site of major nuclear meltdown in 1986. To this day, large amounts of radiation are present and site still restricted.
Movie about four American tourists and two Aussies that want tour of area. Tour obviously no go well, or this wouldn’t be horror movie.
Highlight of movie came in middle. About a 20 minute sequence where the group is running through contaminated areas, trying to survive. It’s the section where all creepy stuff starts to happen. Shadows, silhouettes, and shots fired.
From Cabin In The Woods one week to Chimpanzee the next….oh this is going to be fun. Also, I just watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes…there may be some cross over commentary from Caesar.
So what’s this movie about? Well, if you ask Caesar he’d probably say something like “primates being unknowingly filmed for human amusement; fighting amongst themselves like lower class citizens.” What is a movie- even a documentary with animals- without a main character and some conflict?! The main chimp is Oscar (Caesar: “Which is what Andy Serkis got screwed out of in his portrayal of….me!”) and from beginning to end we go through the first three years of his life, but mainly the first sixish months. Like any creature in existence, Oscar’s life has its ups and downs and we get to experience some.