Author Archives: Jake Peroni
Mercury Rising (1998)
Mercury Rising (1998) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Four Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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Most films depict FBI agents as cookie cutter, clean shaven men. Blind allegiance and obedient boy scouts wearing crisp black and grey suits with matching ties. (Despite Corky Romano’s efforts).
MacGruber (2010)
MacGruber (2010) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Three Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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MacGyver is a series from the 80′s staring Richard Dean Anderson. The show focused on the adventures of a special agent who could shimmy together any combo of household items and create a scientific weapon or resolution without ever carrying a gun. I don’t remember much from of this show, except the spectacular “feathery” blonde mullet, the 80′s bad guy cliche’s, and one particular scene where a man fell into a river of red ants and was eaten to the bone. I was apparently traumatized by this scene, as this very day my backyard and woods is riddled with ant bait that promises to “kill the queen”.
The New Guy (2002)
The New Guy (2002) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Five Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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Despite its title, there really is nothing “new” here. The New Guy is a cookie cutter comedy about the same story you’ve seen recreated every generation.
Awkward teen gets picked on.
Awkward teen transfers to new school with a new identity.
Awkward teen alienates his true friends in his quest for identity.
Awkward teen wins the love of the head cheerleader.
In the end the awkward teen aint so awkward anymore. (Unless you look directly into his face….)
The Goonies (1985)
The Goonies (1985) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (A Toast) -
BEERate this movie!
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A film depicting the adventures of a tight knit group of preteen boys on the hunt for “One-Eye Willie” doesn’t only exist in a hidden file folder on Jerry Sandusky’s desktop, it’s also one of the greatest family adventure movies of all time.
Red Tails (2012)
Red Tails (2012) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Three Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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There is an inexplicable phenomenon that comes with fatherhood that draws a fascination with WWII. For some reason we actually stop and check out the History Channel just to see what’s on, and when a special like WWII in HD comes along, we prepare for weeks like it’s the World Cup of fatherhood.
Joyful Noise (2012)
Joyful Noise (2012) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Five Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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Echo..echo…echo… Honestly, is there anyone out there even reading this? I cannot think of one person that the trailer for this movie appeals to.
I get it, they saw the success of GLEE and wanted to double dip in that cash cow driven by 14 year old schoolgirls and their sexually repressed mothers desperately seeking to bond with their kids. But I’ll let you in on a little secret…
Red Dawn (1984)
Red Dawn (1984) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Four Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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In a small suburban town in Massachusetts, a couple miles out of Boston, a high school football team settles in on a quiet Sunday morning, 2 points down from it’s biggest rival. The crowd is hushed as the home team kicker lines up the game winning field goal. Just as the ball is hiked a motorist bellows the name of the team’s mascot and it echoes across the field. The interruption disorients the kicker and he squibs the kick ten feet to the left. It is not a good day to be a Westwood Wolverine. At least that’s how I imagine what happened when I shouted “WOLVERINES” out my window as I sped past the school that day. At most I caught a few onlookers by surprise, and they probably just remember some weirdo laughing hysterically at his own joke as his car passed by.
Frozen (2010)
Frozen (2010) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Five Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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December 20, 2010, Sugarloaf Mountain, Maine. A gust of wind derailed a chairlift, sending 3 plummeting to the ground, while the remaining skiers in the chairs behind it are left stranded. Watching… waiting for either rescue or to endure the same fate they had just witnessed as the missing chair before them. Scary enough for a movie? But it wasn’t, this was absolutely true. (Everyone ended up okay from the ordeal). As a Sugarloaf skier, this story scared the shit out of me.
A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Four Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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Nostalgia runs hand in hand with December. Family Christmas parties and traditions we annually attended since childhood are now experiences for us to share with our own children. As adults we are seeing the same things we experienced as a child in a whole new light. That awesome truck you got every year at the family Christmas party was just your dad stopping for gas on the way in and picking up a Hess truck. Those amazing parties that you were allowed to run around like wild animals with all your cousins are now free babysitters while you tie one on as your kids wear themselves out for a good night’s sleep. One tradition I was particularly excited about was to re-experience and share with my children the old Christmas movies that run every year since the beginning of time (As we know it).
Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer (1964)
Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer (1964) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Jake Peroni (Three Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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A Christmas Story might play for 24 hours straight on Christmas day, but there is just one movie that is defined as the ultimate Christmas movie. Not because of it’s content, not because of the heartwarming message, but because of the creepy claymation type movements that captured us as children and will never let us go.
Rudolph was introduced in 1964, and has aired every Christmas season on network television ever since. This Christmas classic is narrated by Sam the Snowman, who also appears in the current classic Elf.
