Author Archives: Gabriel El Dorado
I Saw the Devil (2010)
I Saw the Devil (2010) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Gabriel Eldorado (A Toast) -
BEERate this movie!
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Revenge is one of the more fascinating aspects of human nature. The intrinsic desire to get even is one of the most empty and ruthless emotions yet the need for vindication is something that drives nearly every person in some fashion. While achieving or attaining revenge is an obsessive and slightly maniacal action, watching someone else slave for it is one of the most entertaining plot lines that film offers and for some reason no does revenge lately like the Koreans(before this their only claim to fame was the Kia, so, hurray for progress). With all this being said, a gruesome foreign thriller is possibly one of the worst choices for my sparsely occurring “date night. I learned this the hard way (it’s the only way I learn apparently) and for your reading pleasure will detail my interchange with my date in parallel to the plot happenings. However, keep in mind that at times my charm shames Casanova himself so note taking is encouraged:
(The discussion before the movie began):
Her:” Let’s watch the The Switch”
I do not want to get laid so bad that I would sit through this. Yet.
Me:” I would rather watch my mother’s video of her birthing me on loop for the entire duration of The Switch, then ever watch that wretched piece of cinema.”
(She does not respond in laughter, rather looks at me like I have an ungodly amount of boogers hanging from my nose. So far, my chances of getting lucky are dwindling. )
Me: “What about this? It’s called I Saw the Devil; it’s just the Japanese version of that movie that came out, Devil. Remember? You told me you wanted to see it? It’s way better and plus you should always see the original, just a film rule of thumb.”
I was tricked by this cover. See, to me this screams romance. Doesn’t it?
(Clearly, I missed the seminar about honesty when dating someone but I am too pleased with what I consider to be a clever ruse.)
Her:” Okay…”
(YESSSS!!!!!! She fell for it. I am an idiot for not really thinking this one through.)
I am figuring I Saw the Devil will start like most foreign films and at worst have her bored twenty minutes in and at best too engaged in the plot to turn it off when the violent parts start to unfold. As for the film starting out slow, I was horrendously and offensively wrong. I Saw the Devil opens with a woman stranded in the snow with a blown out tire.
Me: “Women Asian driver’s amirite?” (Forced chuckle) (Good job, just insult two categories of people, way to go dipshit.)
Her: “….”
(I am clearly starting off with a homerun.) Back to the film, after declining a man’s offer to help, the women sits waiting patiently for triple Korean symbols while eyeing the good Samaritan’s car when suddenly her passenger window is smashed in.
Her: (jumps and scream waaay louder than necessary.)
Me: (glares)
After the very violent and bloody struggle, we see the women inside a murder basement (WHERE ARE ALL THESE HOUSES WITH THESE MURDER DUNGEONS?!) draped in plastic tarp, naked, and, covered in her own blood. I assume she is dead but suddenly she begins to gasp for breath and the assailant comes over to her and pulls off the tarp.
“It comes with 4 bedrooms, 3 baths. It is in an excellent school district, oh, and did I mention that it has a great room downstairs to chop up your victims discreetly?
Her: What do you think he’s gonna do to her?
Me: “I am not sure”( I, having seen a movie before and possessing the critical thinking capacity to figure out this girl is shit-out-of-luck, keep silent and nod to the screen)
The woman is now pleading for her life, telling her attacker to spare her because (dramatic pause) she is pregnant.
Her: “Gasp! Do you think he will spare her? Oh god, please don’t kill her, you don’t think he will kill her do you?”
The film cuts to the woman (presumably) all cut up and arranged neatly in those big plastic buckets my mom used to keep for our toys, a world of uses for those things, so handy.
Me: “No I think he killed her.” (scoring major points tonight)
Her: complete silence
Me: “But on the bright side, that is some great product placement for the container store? Right? You love that store! You can’t even “contain” your love for that store” (Should I give up dating forever?)
She glares at me and I turn back to the screen, more or less apathetic. As we come to find out, the murdered women was engaged to the equivalent of the secret service agent and he is not thrilled that his soon-to-be bride has been murdered. The rest of the film follows our protagonist as he searches for his fiancée’s killer to exact his revenge, in a very clever/creative way that only Asian filmmakers seem to conjure up.
The rest of my date plays out in silence as the girl I invited over becomes more and more offended by my choice of film. She stayed the whole time, but left immediately and since never texted me. So you’re welcome Movieboozer audience, I sacrificed my love-life to bring you this review. The least you could do is like it on Facebook or something, ungrateful bastards.
A Toast
To nearly every aspect of this film. I Saw the Devil is not perfect, but it comes pretty damn close. With stunning and engaging cinematography, I Saw the Devil moves at a pace that would make Michael Bay stop for breath and does this for nearly 2 and half hours. Not once did I feel myself bored or felt that the film drug out its plot, instead I felt concern for the main character and what the result of his quest for vindication would be. My date felt nauseous but clearly her opinion doesn’t matter. It looks beautiful and has a score that even the most pedestrian of viewers would take notice of, but what makes I Saw the Devil great is the insight into what happens to humans when they crave revenge.
So many revenge films lose sight of their main character’s, for lack of a better word, righteousness and essentially turn him (or her) into something akin to what the villain originally was, but I Saw the Devil realizes that and keeps our protagonist self-aware and emotive instead of cold and distanced like most films do. At times, we see him become the monster he is hunting but he always manages to come back down to reality and become aware of the pain that drives and haunts him.
Beer Two (OPTIONAL)
I put optional for the general viewing public because not everyone has a steel stomach and many will find I Saw Devil graphic to say the least. If each individual act of violence is not enough to turn your stomach, the constant barrage of blood and gore will make the most solid of viewers a tad queasy. There is not one scene except for the funeral of the fiancée that doesn’t have blood in it.
However, if you have the stoic nerve to process the unbridled carnage then I Saw the Devil is one incredible film that shouldn’t be missed and certainly, if you are fan of Oldboy, I Saw the Devil should be required viewing.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a drink: every time someone gets bludgeoned on the head.
Take a drink: every time someone sustains massive injury and still lives.
Chug a Beer: every time the violence gets too brutal for you to handle.
How to Get Ahead of Advertising (1989)
How to Get Ahead of Advertising (1989) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Gabriel El Dorado (Four Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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I chose to view How to Get Ahead in Advertising because I am an enormous Withnail & I fan (I have a poster in my room, NOW that is fandom) and since both movies star Richard E. Grant and were directed by Bruce Robinson, I felt drawn to this film. The film is supposed to be an exposé on the grimy dealings of advertising and how it is such a despicable and manipulative industry and blah blah blah. I am fully aware that I am buying shit I do not need. Without commercials, we wouldn’t have gotten to enjoy Billy Mays, so ponder that for a little while.
The film follows Denis Bagley (Richard E. Grant) a self –assured asshole who is supposed to embody the entire industry as he begins work on a new campaign for pimple cream(British people call them boils but they also refer to toothpaste as “not invented” so they are weird) cream. Which to me doesn’t sound hard. Just have Katy Perry talk about the “acne” she didn’t have and let her rub her endorsement millions into our black-headed noses (opens palm to receive money).
Like people are staring at your face anyways.
As it turns out, Bagley is completely stumped for the new endorsement, so much so that it starts to eat away at him (not at his soul mind you, he doesn’t have one, remember? Advertising?). Bagley begins to mentally unravel and develops, of all things, a boil/pimple/repulsive growth on his neck. Soon the pimple develops a life of its own, literally (I just Pete Hammonded that phrase) and begins to talk to him. Naturally only he can hear the boil and what its saying (Jesus Christ is there a more played out plot technique than the talking boil?) so Bagley is left to fend it off on his own as it takes over more and more of his life.
A Toast
I raise my glass to Bruce Robinson’s view on consumerism and the valid and needed points that the film makes, but last time I checked this film was produced to make money, so that kind weakens any argument made about how greedy and controlled our society is. Did you see that? I just did a back-handed Toast, I am like your dickish brother who was forced into best man duties. All hilarity aside, parts of the film are bitingly funny and Richard E. Grant shines when he goes over the top and manic, which he spends the majority of the film doing.
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As for Bagley’s wife (played by Rachel Ward), holy shit. I was dumbstruck at her performance; she made January Jones look like Jim Carrey. It’s as if they shuttled a Stepford wife over and had her act in a feature film. It’s also as if they shot the film in Madam Toussad’s wax museum and used one of her creations. Do you understand that I thought Rachel Ward had the emotional range of a block of wood? Should I resort to more shtick? Maybe, I am being too harsh her or maybe she just didn’t give a rat-ass about this movie and knew she wasn’t getting paid regardless, which totally ruins “the message”.
If this little jerk-off can “feel” why can’t you Rachel Ward? Why can’t you?
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If when writing a review you become bored thinking about the movie and its plot you can be assured that the film drags on. It’s nearly two hours of Richard E. Grant going crazy and screaming like a wronged homeless person. It was funny for the first twenty minutes but after a while you’re going to wish you brought something harder to chase Bagley’s breakdowns.
This is actually from the movie, proving my point.
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Cronenburg’s earlier films like Videodrome had these gruesome special effects in which they used an abundance of make-up to make some gory wound or abnormal growth. Well the boil looks just like one of Cronenburg’s disgusting creations and we are forced to look at it way too many times. The film is not counting on shock value so why make it appear so gross? It adds absolutely nothing to the film. It is the kid in class wiping his boogers on you because, well, he can’t not because he’s trying to gross you out.
I don’t really see a reason to see this film because it is dated and doesn’t really have a huge appeal. However, if you like Richard E. Grant then yes, I suppose you could possibly enjoy this movie. Otherwise don’t waste your time for such a bland film.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: every time someone on screen drinks (that’s all you need to get drunk)
Chug a beer: at the transformation (you will know when you see it)
Hesher (2010)
Hesher (2010) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Gabriel El Dorado (Three Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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If I could open this review with a loud and aggressive guitar riff, I would because that would embody the spirit and zest of Hesher but seeing as how my amps do not go to 11(if you don’t get that stop reading now and do something physically destructive to yourself) my scant musical ability would result in the inevitable Darfur guitar solos.
With much of the film’s tones and attitude being derived from its original inspiration, heavy metal music and culture, Hesher is a film that has not been compromised by Hollywood stereotypes and formulas. Instead, it stays true to itself and the aura Joseph Gordon-Levitt creates (he plays Hesher, just FYI) and doesn’t really seem to care if you find that repulsive or bizarre.
Nothing screams anarchy like stick figure tattoos.
The film follows T.J.(Devin Brochu) and his father Paul Forney (Rainn Wilson) as they are recuperating from the loss of T.J.’s mother/Paul’s wife. With Paul spending most of his time wallowing and swallowing (I know, I know, impressive rhyme scheme) pills, the Forney’s have moved into Paul’s mothers, Madeleine’s( Piper Laurie) house, so she can help with T.J. and support Paul. However, as expected, T.J. spends most of his time outside the house getting into random mischief, leading to the eventual introduction of Hesher (Joseph-Gordon Levitt).
After T.J. inadvertently exposes the spot where Hesher was squatting, Hesher moves in with the family. This explanation might be a tad misleading; Hesher literally appears at the house (very phantomlike) and just moves in without asking. However, no one seems to care or is curious about the grungy individual now occupying the couch in his underwear. I found it weird, but none of the character’s seemed to mind, making it seem even weirder. The rest of film follows the family as they try to come to terms with the loss while simultaneously interacting with and managing Hesher.
Judging by the picture, I’d say Hesher is a writer
A Toast
…to Joseph Gordon Levitt and his turn as Hesher. Without Hesher, the film would be awful. He dominates every scene he is in and responsible for any entertainment value. The best part of the character is the unpredictability. Just when you may think Hesher will soften and doing something remotely humane, he pisses on your expectations. He refuses to be house-broken, which is admirable. Hesher is a freak show and as long as we can watch from a safe distance, freak shows are immensely entertaining. Why do you think TLC is thriving? It only starts to suck once that freak show is related to or knows you. Joseph Gordon Levitt is one of the best young actors (possibly overall but let’s not go crazy) in the game right now and he can now check off iconic cult-performance off his to-do list (which they totally have, saw it on REELZ Channel).
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What I am about to say is going to cause a shit storm of controversy. Natalie Portman is a very overrated actress (BUT SHE JUST WON BEST ACTRESS, HOW CAN YOU EVEN SAY THAT?!?!). Well, enraged hypothetical reader, Portman typically plays some form of wounded, vulnerable female, who ALWAYS ends up crying (think back to a film where you didn’t see Portman cry; she is essentially a sorority girl on her 21st). In Hesher, Portman’s character falls flat compared to Gordon Levitt’s, creating this emptiness where solid support should have been. Luckily nothing spectacular was needed due to Gordon Levitt’s Hesher being so intriguing, but it would have been nice if she wasn’t so obnoxiously dull. This could be due to screenwriting, but still Portman does her best to make a bland character borderline excruciating.
Also, when will Hollywood stop casting attractive girls to play unnoticed losers? No audience member is ever going to fall for that (Not even Michael Bay enthusiasts) and putting her in sweat shirts and weird glasses are not going to cover up the fact that she will always be smoking hot. Don’t try to trick me movie magic, my libido is never wrong.
See, not wrong.
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Hesher(as expected) is completely obsessed with its main character, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but they are called ‘films’ and not ‘characters’ for a reason( I know it’s a cute slogan, leave me alone). Outside of the eccentric lead, the film really has no strong points. This is a major flaw and the main reason why most of the critics (pompous assholes, where do they get off?) gave it bad reviews and they definitely have an argument. However, I am not sure I mentioned how awesome Hesher was, which is why I could overlook the weaker points and appreciate the film for what it really was.
Yeah, it’s not perfect but neither are you, tubby internet nerd, so if you enjoy the brazen metal culture then Hesher is definitely worth the viewing. There are some emotionally affecting and introspective moments that are the real hidden nuggets of the film if you can get past the antics of Hesher, making it worthwhile for non-metal enthusiasts. However, if you are easily offended and are not huge fan of bizarre characters, then don’t talk to me because I can tell we will have nothing in common.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: every time metal plays.
Take a Drink: every time Hesher sets something on fire
Take a Drink: every time T.J. gets bullied or interacts with the bully.
Chug a Beer: when Hesher chugs a beer.
Chug a Beer: when Hesher uses a completely inappropriate story for a life metaphor.
The Experiment (2010)
The Experiment (2010) DVD / Blu-ray
By: Gabriel Eldorado (Four Beers) -
BEERate this movie!
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The Experiment is “loosely” based on the Stanford Prison Experiment in 1971, which you are undoubtedly familiar with if you have taken any gen ed. courses or if you have been unfortunate enough to be subjected to the drunken ramblings of THAT guy, you know the one, the philosophy major in college who works at a coffee house now and only drinks obscure beer. Instead of him dabbling in vandalism or peeing in public like people should when they become drunk, he decides to lecture the party goers on “pressing” moral issues. As expected, he uses the Stanford Prison Experiment as his jumping off point to prove the inherent depravity of man.
Everyone’s read “Lord of the Flies” and watched as “Party Down” got canceled while “Jersey Shore” fist-pumps on, so we are fully aware that man sucks. However if you somehow missed both of those delightful experiences, The Stanford Prison Experiment placed a group of randomly selected college students (from Stanford, obviously) in a prison environment assigning some to the position of guards and some to the position of inmates. Apparently, neither group could play nice and the situation got quickly out hand (it’s not spoilers, it’s HISTORY),which inevitably was put to film in The Experiment.
A Toast
At points (very fleeting moments that is) the film becomes startlingly poignant because you are aware that this is based on a true story and it is sometimes frightening to know what men with no history of violence can become when ordered to.
Director Paul Scheuring directed Prison Break, so he does have some experience shooting in a prison. The action scenes are visually stimulating and the cuts are fast-paced making it hard for the viewer to lose focus because of the quick transitions. With the high resolution and camera angles, the film looks more like a TV show than a movie, but this plays in its favor by focusing in on some of the more gut-turning scenes. However, outside of looking good and moving quickly The Experiment really has nothing going for it.
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If you have ever seen The Real World, which, don’t lie, you have, you know that they try to type-cast the most stereotypical motley crew of people to create synthetic drama on set. The Experiment follows the exact same principle. As soon as we meet a character, we know exactly how they are going to behave(Forest Whitaker’s Barris notwithstanding) by how they look.
This proves to be helpful at times because there is absolutely no character development, instead we must surmise that the guy with piercings’ and eye-liner must be the edgy one with a temper and since Adrien Brody has long hair and old military clothing and resembles a hippie he is going to be against all violence and for peace. Whatever, if you’re watching this movie your either drinking heavily or don’t have the patience for things like “character development,” so it is not a huge issue, but does turn annoying after it happens with every character.
“Dammit Adrien! Even Paul Walker knows that the first rule of acting is don’t look directly into the camera!”
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When you are introduced to Forrest Whitaker’s character, Barris, you won’t initially find yourself chugging, but once he decides to transform into a power-hungry maniac you’ll find yourself wondering if you double-fisting might make this experience more bearable. I have no issue with his character going from devout Christian to depraved asshole; he can go crazy and kill the whole production crew, I DON’T CARE.
However, I do have issues with him going from the guy that will help you move out Saturday even though he finds you obnoxious to someone who gets sadist boners(still not sure if they really exist or if that’s a Hollywood myth) with literally no buildup. He just flips personalities in a matter of two seconds. I have taken a smattering of Psychology courses (rendering me an expert) and that is not possible and no, he doesn’t have bi-polar disorder, he just has a bad case of “lazyscreenwriting”-itis, a very serious and grave disease.
Adrien Brody looks back on his career post The Piano.
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A pounding soundtrack is fitting for a prison movie due the subject matter and the typical way the plot unfolds, but do not assault my ear drums with your bastard child of electronic/grunge if THERE IS ABOSUTELY NOTHING HAPPENING ON SCREEN. This is just common sense and decency. Yes, I see you are creating a “mood” original music creator Graeme Revell and it’s a bad one. It does not add to the visceral nature of the film or perceived grittiness, no it just makes me break in my volume button with these auditory booby traps placed covertly in dull scenes.
Uglier than most of the population, yet look at his arm candy. There is no god.
With better prison movies out there, I am not sure why anyone would waste their time on The Experiment. You’d be better off seeing the German original, which has a small cult following usually indicating quality or excessive violence. I never took the time to see it because once again, I knew how it ended. I don’t exactly see the point of making a film about a famous study unless it was going to be a historical examination, but as far as trying to fictionalize it with a modern twist seems pointless to me. We all know what happens and without having solid performances to overshadow the very scant plot, the film was really doomed from the start. All I have say that is after seeing this I can’t wait for The Conditioning starring Owen Wilson as the voice of Pavlov’s Dog.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a drink: every time Forrest Whitaker looks confused.
Take a drink: every time a prison cliché is used( Butt-rape, etc.)
Take a drink: every time the film cuts to the red caution light (your liver will hate this one).
