Trailer Reviews: I Can Only Imagine, Love Simon, & Tomb Raider

By: Hawk Ripjaw –

I Can Only Imagine

Origin stories. Every superhero has one. Every rock band has one. This weekend, every video game character has one, and every gay high school student has one. And finally, the best-selling worship song of all time has one. And let’s be honest, that is a great fucking song. Even if you don’t like worship music or aren’t even religious, you totally get what they’re going for in that song. But I’d be lying if I didn’t immediately question how an entire movie about one song would justify itself. Besides Dennis “I hate music so I burn stuff” Quaid playing a father just a couple of degrees below Papa Cox in Walk Hard, this trailer doesn’t actually look half bad. It’s probably a very inspiring story. My only real concern is the same thing with all of these faith-based movies: they try to hard to preach a message. Look, the core audience for this movie already knows that worship music brings people together and comes from the heart. I know this, you know this. I don’t need to get told it again. If the movie goes down that route, it might be worth skipping. If it actually tells a compelling story about the guy who wrote the song, this should have good legs at the box office. But not as long as some other stuff out right now. 

Beer Prediction

More like I Can Only Imagine what Black Panther is going to do to this movie at the box office, am I right? 

 

Love, Simon

As of March 18, Box Office Mojo still has Love, Simon classified as an Action/Adventure, which is hilarious because that genre is literally the last genre that could apply to a movie with that title. Romance? Obviously. Comedy? Likely. Family? Totally believable. Fantasy? You betcha. Science fiction? Hello, Black Mirror. Horror? Blumhouse would make a stalker movie with that title. But Action/Adventure? Probably not, unless you’re trying to be cheeky. Barring that, this movie’s got a pretty good idea in having a lonely closeted gay kid texting with a fellow closeted gay kid and not knowing who it is. It’s a nice concept for a love story that could be really, really corny and bad if it’s not done right but appears to counterbalance that with actual goodwill for everything else.  We can certainly hope for the best. 

Beer Prediction

It’s over 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, which really isn’t surprising. How can you NOT love that face?

 

Tomb Raider

Video game movies are at the point where if it doesn’t suck absolute shit, we can all praise it as a bona fide masterpiece that changes the landscape of adapting a video game that you play into a movie that you watch while keeping your hands to yourself. The standard of quality has been shifted so low that an overall consensus of “Well, it’s okay, I guess” is the highest praise a movie in that genre has received. And that’s for something that looks almost exactly like the game. It illustrates an unfortunate and possibly unavoidable problem with video game movies. Why make a video game movie at all if you’re going to copy the game religiously and tell a story that already exists and is going to be more immersive if you’re actually playing it? Why not focus on interesting characters that people can care about? I haven’t had any hope in video game movies for a while, so if they mess this up is it possible to have negative hope?

Beer Prediction

Fuck, this is going to be two hours long?

About Hawk Ripjaw

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