Trailer Reviews: God Bless the Broken Road, The Nun & Peppermint

By: Hawk Ripjaw –

God Bless the Broken Road

I definitely thought this was some sort of Rascall Flatts documentary movie before I saw the trailer. As it turns out, the reality isn’t much better, but might be better than the normal Pure Flix-esque drivel that is sprinkled throughout the year. At the very least, it doesn’t seem to be trying to paint every atheist as a massive piece of shit devoting his or her entire existence to disproving the existence of God. That’s a step up from this director’s previous work God’s Not Dead and God’s Not Dead 2. This looks like a lot more wholesome and happy than the dour, toxic attitude that faith-based films have been having lately. Unfortunately, it looks just as poorly made as the rest of them.

Beer Prediction

Not my kind of movie, but I can certainly appreciate the broader, warmer, and more hopeful message than the current status quo of “Christianity is under attack and we must stop them at all costs.”

 

The Nun

The marketing for this movie has been weirdly anemic. As far as I know, there has only been one teaser trailer and maybe 2-3 very short featurettes for The Nun. And they’re not good. I’ll definitely grant that the production design looks great, and there’s plenty of atmosphere, but are the jump scares really necessary? Each teaser has a version of a badly executed jump scare. In the first one, someone runs at the main character from off screen, which isn’t a bad one on paper because the “scare” comes from startling you because you were focused on something else. The problem is that it’s accompanied by an ear-splitting burst of sound, which is startling because of a loud fucking burst of non-diagetic sound, which isn’t scary at all. In the other teaser, a man wanders around a room of immobile nuns, which is kind of creepy. Then he starts to lift the veil. From here, the scare is obvious and therefore no longer frightening. What, you think it’s going to be Kenneth the Page under there? No, it’s going to be the creepy nun. Why build that anticipation if we’re only supposed to be anticipating something familiar and 100% predictable?

Beer Prediction

You know what else is predictable? This is probably going to be a bad movie.

 

Peppermint

My not-quite-worrying-but-getting-pretty-dang-close appetite for garbage tingled with anticipation upon seeing the trailer for Peppermint. This looks like total ass and I’m very excited to see it. I actually really like Jennifer Garner: she’s a badass, she’s capable of some pretty great performances, and she’s more than capable of being a bigger action hero. I really would have liked Peppermint to be great, as I do most movies, because female-focused revenge movies are possibly the best revenge movies. But since Peppermint is pretty obviously not going to be great, I can now hope for it to be garbage. Is it the simplistically melodramatic plot? The stereotypically useless cops? The questionable racial stereotyping of Latino gangsters? Something is bizarrely off about this trailer, and I’ll need more than my finger to locate what it is, because it’s a lot. I probably won’t find out what is entirely wrong until I actually see the movie, so I’m really hoping it ends up being trashy fun.

Beer Prediction

Although, I’ve never really associated Pierre Morel with “fun,” so I’m not optimistic.

About Hawk Ripjaw

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