By: Hawk Ripjaw –
It’s here. Gerard Butler, who quickly and reliably pumps out terrible action movies, is back with an even nuttier concept than we’ve ever seen him in–and we saw him in Gods of Egypt. It’s somewhat commendable that Geostorm strives for such a grand scope. Gerard Butler, a satellite that controls the weather, terrorists that take control of said satellite, and the President in danger are all things that could come together to make something amazing. It’s the sort of plot that was one thousand percent not conceived by a sober person. What remains to be seen is what makes or breaks the disaster movie: does it know how stupid it is?
Thankfully, Geostorm appears to be at least partially self-aware. That’s something to look forward to. And even if he doesn’t know it, Butler’s prominence in shlock is something he not only thrives in, but should completely own.
Only the Brave
I don’t know what it is, but firefighter films are a hard sell for me. But do you know what’s not a hard sell? Director Joseph Kosinski, who made the underrated Tron: Legacy and Oblivion. Jeff Bridges is another element that…goes down easy….no, that’s not–that’s not like that. I mean, his performances are never hard to swall–no, shit. He’s a great actor. I like his movies. I will watch a firefighter movie directed by Joe Kosinski and featuring Jeff Bridges. And I will probably like it.
Even with Miles Teller, whose film career is…unpredictable, to say the least, I’m staying optimistic.
I love murder mysteries. And I love snow. So naturally, murder mysteries in the snow are absolutely my thing. Snowstorms sow isolation, and when a crime is committed in a snowy setting, it has a great sense of immediacy and helplessness. Unfortunately, it looks like this time around the real helplessness is felt by the actors. This movie had a troubled production schedule, even to the point where parts of the story never got filmed so there are just going to be random gaps in the narrative that the editing will be attempting to hide. Given that context, it now makes sense that Michael Fassbender looks so irritated and incredulous.
LOOKS LIKE MAYBE THE REAL MURDER VICTIM IS THE AUDIENCE AM I RIGHT?
Tyler Perry’s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween
Do you want to know how many of these Madea movies I have paid money to see? Almost all of them. Yes, my name is Hawk Ripjaw and I am part of the problem. I even went to the theater to see A Madea Christmas and the first Madea Halloween Party. I am part of the reason that Tyler Perry can keep making these things. And the worst part? I don’t enjoy them. They’re awful, cheaply-made, lowest-common-denominator comedies. But I’ve already seen all of the proper Madea-featured features, so why stop now? Someone has to review them.
No burden must be left without someone to carry it.