By: Hawk Ripjaw –
While sitting in the theater for mother! the other night, I saw a trailer for Friend Request. While watching it I thought by mistake that this was called Unfriended, and that Unfriended from last year was Friend Request. Initially I was frustrated with myself for such a silly little error, but then I realized that these movies are both about an evil spirit that possesses social media and kills people because high school is so hard, and I can’t remember the last time I cared less about a movie. It doesn’t help that I generally hate high school movies, given that nothing about my personal high school experience was remotely pleasant, and therefore the politics of high school life just aren’t interesting, especially when the students perform satanic rituals to release demons from the Internet and post Facebook statuses for you, which is what two college dorm-mates did to each other when a laptop was left open anyway. They didn’t even need demons! So what’s the point of going to see this?
The tagline is “Evil is Trending,” so I can at least applaud that.
Kingsman: The Golden Circle
The original Kingsman was classy: bespoke suits, umbrellas, and, of course, manners. And as that film seemed to represent how people generally view the British, the sequel is most definitely how everyone sees America: characters named after alcohol, Southern accents, denim, and a blatant disregard for subtlety. While successfully avoiding most marketing for the movie (excluding the irritating reveal of Colin Firth’s return), I still don’t find myself feeling terribly excited for this, or at least not as much as I should. The original Kingsman is a modern classic, repurposing the spy movie format for the hipster generation and cheekily up its own ass just enough to convince you that it was in on the joke.
So why does The Golden Circle feel like it only cares about the punch line? It’s just more of everything, with maybe much less of the glance at class warfare that made Eggsy’s transformation into a Kingsman so interesting. That said, there’s little you can do to resist that great interplay between characters and the adrenaline-drenched action, so regardless of how good it actually is, there are some absolutes that we can still look forward to.
Plus it has Channing Tatum, soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
The LEGO Ninjago Movie
There are a few things that define the LEGO movies: rapid-fire humor, the importance of family, and male characters suddenly being without their pants. The third is a weird trend of both, and soon to be all three, of the LEGO theatrical movies: The LEGO Movie had the popular TV show “Where are My Pants??” The LEGO Batman Movie has Robin removing his pants Luchador-style every change he got (and throwing them into Batman’s face), and now The LEGO Ninjago Movie features Garmadon ripping of Jackie Chan’s pants as a distraction during a fight. Points for consistency, but I’m more content that a full-grown adults still find the idea of losing one’s pants amusing. It gives me hope.
I have it on good authority from a friend that the Netflix Ninjago series is “chill,” but this claim is unsubstantiated by some… unpromising YouTube clips. They make me seriously hope this movie leans into the weirdness that makes these movies so endearing, even with three directors (!) and nine credited screenwriters (!!!) to spread the creative directions thinner than the characters of The Big Bang Theory.
Wait, is it pronounced “Nin-JAH-go,” or “Ninja-GO?”