Trailer Reviews: Before I Fall, Logan, & The Shack

By: Hawk Ripjaw –

How did the guy who discovered you can milk a cow figure that out?

Before I Fall

The world needs a Young Adult Groundhog Day drama like a steak needs ketchup and another 10 minutes on the grill. Actually, I guess it’s more like Edge of Tomorrow, since the girl keeps waking up after dying, and has to figure out why. One of the biggest things I want to know about this is why it’s happening, and how she learns to escape from her prison. You know, sometimes I feel like I’m in this situation. Day in, day out, going to work, coming home, going to bed, and then doing the same thing every day after that. It really does feel like a prison. You know what else feels like a prison? Having to watch Young Adult adaptations.

Beer Prediction

I actually don’t have to watch this. I was just being dramatic. It looks bad though, right?

 

Logan

The Wolverine-focused X-Men movies have been a little inconsistent in quality. Origins has the distinction of… a lot of stuff, really. It’s possibly one of the first appearances of the Taylor Kitsch Kiss of Death, the phenomenon indicating that nearly every film that Taylor Kitsch appears in either a)sucks, b) doesn’t make money, or c) all of the above. Kitsch’s performances are usually not directly correlated with the Kiss of Death–the dude’s a good actor, he just needs to drop his agent off a cliff. If there was one thing cool about Origins, it was Kitsch as Gambit. Unfortunately, that was maybe 10 minutes out of 140 minutes of pure, steaming garbage, including a portrayal of Deadpool that made the entire comic book world squirm in uncomfortable embarrassment. By the way, did you know that the writer of Suicide Squad contributed to an early draft?

The Wolverine was significantly better, with some good character drama and decent action, until its third act involving a woman who could peel her face off and changed her leather fetish outfit every couple of scenes, and a giant fucking robot samurai. I don’t really feel like I can expand on this movie much further.

But this… this looks good. It’s the same director as The Wolverine, but without all of that silliness of the third act. Guess what? Apparently you can make a comic book movie that focuses on characters. I know that’s been done before, but this is especially important given how much last year’s Apocalypse didn’t really.

Beer Prediction

Almost no continuity errors in sight, captain! Full steam ahead!

 

The Shack

There are two types of Christian movies: the ones that people don’t have a problem with because they either suck or are intelligent with their message, and the ones that make everyone angry because they try to bludgeon you over the head with a shovel of idealogy. You really know you’ve got something special on your hands when your movie falls into the latter category, and the people getting pissed are the Christians. However, if you dig a little deeper, you will find that the controversy is actually kind of stupid. Are you ready? People are angry because this movie, in which Sam Worthington is sad because even after Avatar he can’t really find work, and because his daughter died or something, God is featured as–gasp!–a black lady! Apparently, people are pretty damn sure that God is DEFINITELY a dude, and DEEEEEFINITELY white, because those are totally objective facts and all you have to do is look up God on Facebook and check out his selfies. Come on, people. Think of something more interesting to argue about.

Beer Prediction

No matter how the movie turns out, every single one has the same thing in common: if you don’t like it, don’t watch it, and don’t be a dick. I promise you life will go on.

About Hawk Ripjaw

One comment

  1. Great trailer review! The trailer I saw for Logan in theater wasn’t really appealing but I’ve heard there was another one out that was more alluring. Keep up the great work.

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