Trailer Reviews: Dunkirk, Girls Trip, & Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

By: Hawk Ripjaw –

Dunkirk

Two very significant parts of my cinephilic personality will clash this weekend: My general disinterest in war films, and my very profound interest in Christopher Nolan films. I’m not even sure why I don’t like war films. From what I can remember, I’ve seen both Clint Eastwood WWII movies (which I liked), Saving Private Ryan (which was good), We Were Soldiers (which bored me), The Hurt Locker (which I enjoyed), American Sniper (which I walked out of), the Vince Vaughn scene in Hacksaw Ridge (which I didn’t understand). I guess I’ve enjoyed a lot of what I’ve seen, and probably more that I can’t even remember. Maybe I secretly love war movies. Maybe I’ve been wrong this whole time. 

Beer Prediction

Guaranteed we can do a drinking game on this bad boy for every time someone almost dies.

 

Girls Trip

I’ll admit I laughed at the trailer for Girls Trip. I’ll also admit that the main thing I laughed at was a grown woman telling her best friend how shoving weed up her asshole won’t give her an infection. But why do I have to admit that? Chick flicks have changed over the years. What used to be Jennifer Aniston wandering around Eat Pray Love doing nothing is now Melissa McCarthy taking a dump in a bathroom sink in Bridesmaids. It’s a good trend, but they’re still not good movies. Girls Trip goes the risky route and appears to ditch any breaks for clean humor or actual heart and just fill a ton of sex jokes in. The difference is that they’re well-written jokes spoken by characters that actually feel like they’d be saying that stuff. Organic characters? What a concept! 

Beer Prediction

I know, I know: it’s from the director of Scary Movie 5.  Wait. Yeah, that’s a little bit scary.

 

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

I kinda like Luc Besson. The guy directs some great movies (The Fifth Element!), and produces some not-so-great ones (Nine Lives!). He has some great ideas that make awesome movies, and some awesome ideas that make terrible movies. Lucy, I’m looking at you. Unfortunately, Besson’s capacity for writing checks that his movies can’t cash–or just writing really shitty checks that his movies can totally cash–is making me apprehensive for Valerian. And now that I’ve heard from two people now that it’s terrible, I’m prepared for this to basically be another modern Luc Besson movie. But the guy’s got passion, and one hell of an imagination. But he continuously fails to translate this effectively onto the screen, so we may unfortunately have to expect the trend. 

Beer Prediction

This is going to suck, isn’t it?

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