Trailer Reviews: Bleed for This, The Edge of Seventeen & Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

By: Hawk Ripjaw –

Bleed for This

Miles Teller is a pretty great actor, with his best performances being those portraying tortured characters. You could really tell he hated his life in Fant4stic, although that might have been less great acting and more that movie being the equivalent of a Thing diarrhea after a night of booze and cocaine. However, there was nothing holding Teller back in Whiplash, and he looks equally charismatic in Bleed for This, the first movie in 11 years from director Ben Younger that’s apparently a true story about a boxer with a spinal injury that overcomes his fragile condition through the power of force of will and montage. However, the true question remains… will he be able to overcome the cesspool of mediocrity that is every cookie-cutter sports movie?

Beer Prediction

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I guess I’ll find out… IN NINE MONTHS WHEN IT’S ON NETFLIX.

 

The Edge of Seventeen

Did you know that Hailee Steinfeld is also a singer? She’s a talented singer, but the committee writing for her needs to be trimmed down a bit. Luckily, Steinfeld is a pretty damn gifted actress, so she can always fall back on that for every time a Sirius XM user almost causes a pileup frantically trying to change the channel when her song comes on during a freeway merge. Pretty much all of us have been where Steinfeld’s character is here, so we can all relate to the intense discomfort of growing up. Sometimes I still close my eyes and clench my teeth then I think of some of the shit that went down in high school. It’s not comfortable at all. Sometimes, however, the best comedy and drama comes from that discomfort, and seeing Steinfeld’s character have to suffer through all of that coming of age shit could definitely be a mix of hilarious and cathartic, with Woody Harrelson coming around from behind to finish with a dollop of gruff comedy.

Beer Prediction

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This subgenre really does not do much for me, but I’m kind of intrigued.

 

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Come on. You and I both know what we’re all going to see this weekend, and it’s not some fuckoff coming of age movie with Hailee Steinfeld (no offense, Hailee, it actually does look decent). Now that the Harry Potter movies have officially ended, Warner Bros need a way to continue to milk one of the most profitable cash cows of all time. Marvel can’t be the only studio to release one or more franchise film per year, right? But with no more Harry Potter books left to adapt, and the opportunity to make two or more movies per book come and gone, WB had to do something else: That is to say, take a 50-page spinoff book that was one of the textbooks Harry would read, and not just adapt it into a movie. Hell, don’t even stop at a trilogy. This one tiny-ass ten dollar Scholastic book fair bargain is going to be strapped to the milking machine and sucked dry over the course of five fucking movies, starring Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne as he campaigns aggressively to diversify his portfolio. Strap, in, because the next few years are either going to be rife with the exhausted dregs of a bloated franchise, or one night out of the year where you can believe there is a world independent of a United States President. 

Beer Prediction

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Come on, man. It’s Harry Potter.

About Hawk Ripjaw

No one really knows where Hawk Ripjaw came from, but one thing’s for certain: he’s a big fan of movies, beer, and the human body. His ex-girlfriends hate him but who’s on the second husband and third kid, huh?? Not this guy. Kitten wrangler to the stars, Hawk understands that beer tastes better through a Krazy Straw (it doesn't) and chicks are nicer when you wear a bunny mask (they aren't). And he doesn't give a shit if you didn't like White House Down.

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