Trailer Reviews: Beauty and the Beast & The Belko Experiment

By: Hawk Ripjaw –

Regardless of how good these two movies are, they’re probably more fun than the first two episodes of Marvel’s Iron Fist on Netflix.

Beauty and the Beast

First of all, how cool is it that the trailers for this movie almost perfectly recreate the trailers for the 1991 animated movie?

Every day, I turn on my computer and I read another piece of news about some person, or group, or country upset because of “the gay moment” in the new Beauty and the Beast. People are willing to boycott this movie because a fictional male (Lefou) has a crush on another fictional male(Gaston). They’re saying this like it didn’t happen almost thirty years ago in the original cartoon. You can start racking your brain for the gay subtext in an early 90s Disney cartoon, but I’ll just lay it out: You don’t secretly commission an entire bar in a synchronized song and dance number about how another guy is slick, quick, thick-necked, manly, perfect, a kingpin, has a swell clefted chin, is a great fighter, a wrestler, burly, brawny, muscled, hairy, hard-hitting, far-spitting, boot-wearing MAN unless you want that man to show you what a real Beast is like. For fuck’s sake, there’s even a line in that song referencing “whose team” to be on. Lefou has wanted to bang Gaston since the early 90s. And people are upset over a portly, musically-gifted nobody with a man-crush, in a movie that features a young girl with a medically significant case of Stockholm Syndrome falling in love with a literal animal.

Beer Prediction

That “Be Our Guest” sequence looks trippy as shit though, doesn’t it?

 

The Belko Experiment

Every day feels exactly the same. We’re surrounded by idiots, living a meaningless existence, waiting for something exciting to happen. The Belko Experiement is a great example of “Be careful what you wish for.” Instead of “Hey guys, the boss got everyone Firehouse Subs for lunch,” it’s “Hey guys, you each have microchips in your brains that will blow up if you don’t kill each other.” Obviously, it would be awesome to have Firehouse Subs for lunch. And as much as I’ve disagreed with coworkers or employees over the years, I certainly have never reached a point where I’d want to kill them, even if there was a bomb microchip implanted in my head. Ostensibly, this is going to be some sort of Battle Royale social commentary gorefest, but even with James Gunn writing I’m not entirely sold on the idea they’ll pull it off. The real clincher will be whether the office setting–a literal armory of improvised weaponry–will be utilized in a fun way.

Beer Prediction

Even with my love for James Gunn, I’m skeptical. But I’m going to see it.

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