By: Hawk Ripjaw –
I’ve always been a pepper head, but lately I’ve been challenging the level of pain I can tolerate with the angriest hot sauces I can find. I have to raise the bar for how spicy I can handle. The last few years of action movies have been following a similar blueprint. Everything has to get more ridiculous. Everything needs a longer take, harder hits, more actors doing more dangerous stunts, and higher body counts. Atomic Blonde is the newest attempt to raise the bar. And like when I won’t complain when I find a hot sauce angrier than I’ve ever tasted, I certainly won’t complain. When action movies continuously attempt to raise the bar, we all win.
All are welcome in the House of the Action Movie Renaissance.
The Emoji Movie
Darkness falls across the land
The Emoji Movie is close at hand
Characters crawl in search of blood
Infesting the latest animated dud
And whosoever shall be found
Without the will to carry on
Must fall before this movie’s hell
And rot inside their mental shell
The pain of all is in the air
The screams of infinite despair
And Emoji borne from every tomb
Unite for everybody’s doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your soul starts to wither
The world will not escape
The evil of the Emoji Movie
I’m probably going to watch this aren’t I?