By: Hawk Ripjaw –
Welcome to the Fall film doldrums.
Man, this looks….just awful. Just last week I was talking about how Alpha doesn’t look very good, and sure enough I did not like Alpha. But A-X-L is on a whole different level. “Robotic killing machine that’s also a dog capable of doing real dog stuff with a human boy” sounds like one of the most creaky, contrived concepts for a film in recent memory. I’m actually kind of curious to see this and find out how they’re going to play this, since this is a concept that sounds more like a concept from Amblin or Nickelodeon Movies in the early 2000s. I might have enjoyed this when I was a kid, but when I was a kid I didn’t really have an understanding for what really made a shitty film. Now that I’m grown up, I can not only recognize a really bad movie but I can also spend my own money and be weathered enough to not enjoy the experience whatsoever!
I love being a bitter adult.
The Happytime Murders
I can’t decide which movie I’m probably going to hate more, A-X-L or this. I think The Happytime Murders is probably going to be more disappointing and heartbreaking, just in terms of how good it could have been versus what the trailer is selling. The Happytime Murders has been in development hell for some time now, and the original vision looked like something a bit closer to something like Who Framed Roger Rabbit–an honest-to-goodness noir with non-human characters usually associated with children, interacting with adults in a more mature world. Unfortunately, it looks like what we’re getting is puppets being crude and raunchy and gross because, hey, isn’t it funny to see adorable puppets cursing? Worse, I’m concerned that that appears to be the joke in its entirety. There’s no other hook, or nuance, or subtext to “puppets swearing and doing drugs” besides the “joke” that these friendly cuddly characters are actually shitty. If so, what’s the point?
I’ll see it to support Melissa McCarthy.