#10 – Hit and Run (2012) - Rated a 4 Beers: I really wanted to like this one, but it was a jumbled mess. I’m guessing its time in theaters is going to be a lot like an actual hit and run. Read the full review! Take a Drink: whenever Randy does something incredibly klutzy that could result in someone’s death.
Take a Drink: every time a car does a doughnut. Take a Drink: Car porn! Take a Drink: whenever Kristin Chenoweth mentions Xanax. Take a Shot: whenever you wish you had some. (it’s the next best thing) |
| #9 – Sparkle (2012) - Rated 4 Beers: Sparkle is by-the-numbers, predictable, cliché, and overlong, but it has a few moments and while Jordan Sparks shows promise, Carmen Ejogo steals the movie. Wait for cable. Read the full review!
Take a Drink: every time there is an extreme close-up on Sister’s ass. Take a Drink: every time there is an overuse of dramatic slow-motion. Take a Drink: every time you wish you were watching Dreamgirls instead. Take a Drink: every time there is a mention or clip of something from the 60’s to remind you that this movie is set in the 60’s. Take a Drink: Look, it’s Booger!! Take a Shot: every time Whitney Houston’s character talks about how she is a cautionary tale (take two when she actually uses the term) and it’s morbid because, well you know… |
| #8 – The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012) - Rated 5 Beers: But really, is all of this neccesary? No, it isn’t… Read the full review!Take a Drink: whenever they bring up pencils
Take a Drink: when Timothy loses a leaf Drink a Shot: when Ron Livingston is a dick
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| #7 – ParaNorman (2012) - Rated 4 Beers: This is one of the best movies that I have seen this year, animated or otherwise. The performances in the movie are excellent and it is great to see stop motion animation making a comeback in Hollywood. I really wish I would have seen the movie in 3D, but it wasn’t playing in 3D near me… there is always the Blu-Ray version in the future. Go and see this movie as soon as possible, it will be well worth your time. Read the full review!Take a Drink: every time refers to Norman as being “weird”
Take a Drink: every time you see a piece of zombie memorabilia in the movie. Take a Drink: every time there is an old school horror movie reference. |
| #6 – Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (2012) - Rated 2 Beers: The Diary of a Wimpy Kid series have been consistently entertaining and Dog Days is no exception. It has a childish humor but directed with an adult wit that combines elements of slapstick and great comedic timing from everyone involved. It’s a film that somehow captures the awkward ridiculousness that comes with being a preteen but it makes the bad memories laughable, at least for a few moments. Read the full review!Take a Drink: when Greg makes an awful decision
Take a Drink: when Roderick or Holly’s older sister, Heather, is unbearably yet hilariously cruel. Take a Drink: when Greg magically gets into the country club Take a Drink: when you hear about Lil Cutie
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| # 5 – Hope Springs (2012) - Rated a 4 Beers: Would make for a fine Redbox recommendation for your mother or in laws. *Sigh* I’m watching Expendables 2 later this week. That ought to balance this out. Review the full review!Take a Drink: when you see Meryl for the first time. Doesn’t she look great?
Take a Drink: because Tommy Lee Jones once played Two Face. Take a Drink: knowing that an older couple may have had sex in your theater seat. |
| #4 – The Expendables 2 (2012) - Rated 3 Beers: It really is too bad that the late Charles Bronson wasn’t in it. Though I bet all we’d see him do is shoot at random bad guys and smile at the camera. Hey – it is what it is. Read the full review!
Take a Drink: if you thought the movie could’ve used more Terry Crews. Take a Drink: when Van Damme shows up with an even thicker accent than you remember him having. Take a Drink: knowing that Chuck Norris, even in his 70’s, can still kill the crap out of you. Bonus #ChuckNorris Fact: Charlie Sheen may have “tiger blood”, but Chuck Norris could have Sheen’s blood right now – he just doesn’t feel like it. Yet. |
| #3 – Total Recall (2012) - Rated 4 Beers: It’s a risky, challenging move to try to create a remake, because no matter what you do, some people will be angry. Total Recall is a good example of this: Wiseman found himself between two sets of bloodthirsty fans, split between a carbon copy and a unique new piece. This attempt is an admirable action movie, but that’s about it. It jettisons the social commentary from the story, and removes the silliness and the “is it all a dream?” ambiguity from the original. The result is a slightly generic movie. While it’s hard to criticize the movie too harshly when the action is so excellent, it’s also difficult to look past how utterly bland the rest of the movie is. At the end of the day, this Total Recall is a little forgettable. Read the full review!
Take a Drink: every time Kate Beckinsale is reinforced as a sex symbol.
Take a Drink: for every lens flare. Please have your living will handy.
Take a Drink: every time you wonder how the hell The Fall works.
Do a Shot: for every dry marriage joke.
Chug Your Beer: for the girl with three boobies! She lives! AMERICA!
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#2 – The Campaign (2012) - Rated 4 Beers: If it weren’t for Zach Galifianakis’ hilarious performance, this movie would have little to recommend, but he gets some good laughs out of an otherwise weak comedy. Read the full review! Take a Drink: whenever Tim Wattley’s name is spoken (Seinfeld Fans and Anti-Dentite’s only).
Keep Drinking: anytime Will Ferrell beats a dead joke into the ground. Drink a Shot: when Will Ferrell punches someone, or something. Take a Drink: for each political advertisement. |
| #1 - The Bourne Legacy (2012) - Rated a 2 Beers: This is a great addition to the Bourne franchise and on its own it is a great spy thriller. It is the third best movie in the franchise right behind The Bourne Identity and The Bourne Ultimatum. There is definitely room for the franchise to grow from here, telling fresh stories about Aaron Cross and his future adventures. Read the full review!Take A Drink: every time Jason Bourne is mentioned
Take A Drink: every time Aaron Cross does something no human could possibly do. Do A Shot: every time Aaron Cross acts like a crazed junkie. |
TOP BOX OFFICE
Top Critics @MovieBoozer
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Bill Arceneaux: I might have to rewatch this movie. Maybe it ages »
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yasminselena: I loved this film, it completely took me by surpri »
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The Cinephiliac: Great review! I was interested to hear how bad it »
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Gurning Chimp: Thanks. :D »
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Um… The Campaign’s pic is Snow White & the Huntsman
Thanks, Weirdo! I fixed it.