By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Three Beers) -
The Asylum returns with a vengeance in their latest “Mockbuster”. In Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies, the sixteenth President of the United States is tapped to fight the living dead, but not Vampires like in the more prominent Hollywood release (so it’s totally different). When a Union fortress is captured by Confederates and surrounded by Confederate Zombies, only Lincoln can save the day, having experienced this sort of thing before.
Could it be that the lunatics at The Asylum have finally taken over? Because ALVZ is insanely cheap, awesomely bad, and yet.. magnificent. Bolstered to a great extent by a commandingly earnest Lincoln performance by actor Bill Oberst Jr., who lends just the right amount of legitimacy to his character, throwing into hilarious contrast the B-Horror conventions. Bill Oberst Jr. proves that you don’t need $70,000,000 and 3D glasses to make Lincoln an action hero. And in fact the more serious Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter actually suffers in comparison, with a script that simply fails to bring out the spirit of Lincoln’s resolve (not a fault of Benjamin Walker, who does his best given the material). Also, it gets bonus points over ALVH for connecting its events with history. This isn’t to say that there aren’t plenty of history gaffes, but I’m simply shocked that you can actually learn more about history from an Asylum movie than a Fox production… Wait, what am I saying?
I probably learned more from Megashark
I’m aware that CGI gore-effects are probably a good way of inexpensively handling fight scenes under-budget. But give me some rubber prosthetics and Karo Syrup blood any day. With a little more time and effort, the beheadings, slashing, and shooting would have been more believable and fun to watch. Strangely enough, this same problem plagues Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and is less forgivable given the deep-pockets backing it. I’m aware that The Asylum’s M.O. is CGIsploitation, but when rubber dummies and other practical effects are used, they are always more believable.
With some exceptions…
There are multiple scenes in the movie where cars can be plainly seen in the background, and even heard in a few cases. (In one shot, a car-horn can even be heard). While this does admittedly contribute to the humor of the proceedings, it is for the worst of reasons. It would perhaps also be useful to edit the film down by about 10 minutes, as the hour and a half running time still feels slightly overlong.
If you’re up for stupid fun, B-Movie greatness, and don’t want to pay the inflated price for 3D tickets, give this a look instead.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: each time they introduce a new Historical figure.
Do a Shot: when you see or hear cars
Take a Drink (History Nerd Edition): when you can spot a Historical reference that is wrong.