By: Marielle -

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter -

The title alone sends marketing-chills down my spine. On the face that title screams ‘nerdtrendz we threw together: money please!’ akin to Lesbian Vampire Killers and the lesser known Werewolf Tits Parade. It’s in the same vein as inserting monsters into classic literature or historical fiction like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith or The Name of The Rose and Centaurs by Notaperson Bonquers. ‘Tis all about what’s hot rather than what’s actually cookin’.

Yo, these aren’t your parents’ werewolf titays!

The trailer looks… pretty serious? I assumed with a title that—I guess, campy?—it would be sillier than it appears. Is the trailer in on the joke or is this a genuinely dire movie? ‘Cause if so, there is gonna be some serious ravaging of some muthafuckin’ log cabins!

Moar stakes! Raaaawwwwwrrr!

Cue the Disturbed and Linkin Park tracks! Haha! Wait, really?

Now I have teenage-angst-chills.

Beer Prediction

Current top YouTube comment: “This is some creative shit, talk about thinking outside the box…” -E216Leek

You spelled “derivative” wrong. Coming soon — Jesus Christ: Lochness Monster Rider.

Brave -

Pixar’s achievements in adorable and funny storytelling are well known. With Brave, it looks like they’ve stayed on track save for one divergence: a female lead. And she isn’t half naked in some kind of tits parade that are popping up all over the place these days.

I’m hoping this isn’t going to be a film that families take their little girls to while Timmy and Jimmy stay home and play “Burn the Witch” with their Medieval Times Playset. Taking control of your life and finding your own path despite a planned destiny is a lesson for both genders, and we could use a few lady examples.

That kids can see.

Beer Prediction

Pixar appeals to all ages, but adults may need a deux for the message we wish wasn’t necessary in this day and age.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World -

I like the idea of an end of the world scenario that doesn’t involve some muscley dudes or John Cusack and their hot families miraculously outrunning outrageous disasters. Dark comedy can be so delightful. I think concepts like this strike a dour yet oddly satisfying chord with people because we all have to deal with our individual impending doom, and somehow having to face the same fate as everyone else has a surreal calm to it.

No? Just me? (via)

I hope this doesn’t go the way of the near-miss where everybody has to deal with the aftermath, credit card bills, and syphilis of their apocalypse binging.

Also strangely fulfilling is seeing comedic dudes in more serious roles that require a bit of dramatic skill. Comedy is often derived from some kind of pain, so a Steve Carell here or a Jim Carrey there feels so right.

What certainly needs to be a focal point: DRUNK PATTON OSWALT!

Beer Prediction

Although, I’m predicting a botched ending. Not sure why other than a sense of impending doom.