Monthly Archives: March 2012

Goon (2012) Drinking Game

Goon (2012)

Goon (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time someone looses a tooth during a fight.

Take a Drink: whenever Doug knocks someone out.

Take a Drink: for every check into the boards

Take a Drink: for every dick joke

Take a Drink: every time you regret seeing X-Men Origins: Wolverine when looking at Liev Schreiber.

Drink a Shot: for every Canadian TV reference or cameo

Read the full Goon (2012) Review


Goon (2012)

Goon (2012)

Goon (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Frankie B. (Two Beers) -
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!
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Goon is the brainchild of Evan Goldberg and Jay Baruchel, who loosely translated the book, Goon: The True Story of an Unlikely Journey into Minor League Hockey, to the big screen. The movie also happens to be the comeback film for Seann William Scott, who hasn’t been in a significant movie in almost half a decade. All of these factors in a hockey movie are an awesome idea and thankfully with proper execution the movie succeeds on most fronts.

Goon tells the story of Doug Glatt, who is a down on his luck bouncer at a bar in Massachusetts. One night while at a local minor league hockey game, a player jumps in the stands and tries to fight Doug’s friend and Doug knocks him out. He shows amazing promise as an enforcer and is tasked with protecting the team’s most valuable player. He begins to realize that this is what he was destined to do and from there on out the movie is a whirlwind of fights, blood, hockey, and Canadian beer.

Worst. Threesome. Ever

A Toast

To the reemergence of Seann William Scott, because it seems like he has been gone for a very long time. He is able to carry the movie on his shoulders for both the comedic side and dramatic side of the movie. He plays his character very straight and the way he awkwardly interacts with people is both endearing and hilarious throughout the film. This is his best work since American Wedding, all the way back in 2003.

His funniest role ever and he is only in the movie for 5 minutes.

That is a huge gap between successful appearances but at least his performance in Goon more than makes up for the lack of quality performances. Liev Schreiber plays a rival enforcer on another team and provides a more serious, almost epic presence which offsets some of the lesser performances (Jay Baruchel’s foul-mouthed WWF/Gangsta Rap/Jewish kid mashup comes to mind) scattered throughout the movie.

Liev Schreiber, continuing the saga of Wolverine’s brother

The fights are the main attraction in the movie and they deliver on all fronts. Watching people getting brutalized on the ice is more enjoyable than it should be and caters to both the comedic and sports sides of the movie. Good hockey movies are also fairly rare so this movie was pretty much the perfect hockey movie overall.

Beer Two

Kim Coates and Jay Baruchel are normally my favorite parts in whatever they are acting in but this was the one exception. Coates hams it up as a minor league hockey coach and seems to be sleepwalking through most of his scenes while Baruchel plays up the Boston accent just a little too much. He did a fantastic job writing the movie but should have really toned down the accent and attitude slightly because he becomes grating after a while.

Glatt’s story is also embodies everything that is great about sports and general because you really have no idea who could be good at a certain position. It was great to see a normal guy get to discover this ability and talent that he had when everyone was telling him that he was pretty much worthless.

Verdict

This movie has more heart than 99% of sports movies and also brought back Seann William Scott from the hold of mediocrity. Hollywood needs to really start doing more sports movies that focus on character rather than spectacle. Quality flick.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time someone looses a tooth during a fight.

Take a Drink: whenever Doug knocks someone out.

Take a Drink: for every check into the boards

Take a Drink: for every dick joke

Take a Drink: every time you regret seeing X-Men Origins: Wolverine when looking at Liev Schreiber.

Drink a Shot: for every Canadian TV reference or cameo

 

Last Call

Stick around for the credits and see some vintage footage of the bruiser this film is based on.

 


The Daily Shotgun: March 31st

By: Henry J. Fromage -

I apparently don’t watch enough E! as I was entirely  unaware that Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis were an item (or perhaps this proves I watch exactly the right amount of E! ?).  Anyway, as Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman can probably attest, making a film together isn’t always the best thing for a relationship, so we’ll have to see how things go with Relanxious.  The comedy revolves around an agoraphobic man who strikes up a relationship with a woman with an anxiety disorder, which mostly consists of them discussing what kind of hypothetical dates they’d go on if either of them had the strength to leave the house.  Outside of that title, there’s some comedic potential there, and even if filming proves stressful for a couple, the result is usually pretty good.

Right?

Idris Elba was the center of a little bit of controversy lately, although he had nothing personally to do with it.  His choice for Nelson Mandela was defended by the casting director stating that there aren’t any South African actors tall enough to portray the 6’4 leader.  That didn’t sound particularly correct to anyone, especially as he in no other way resembles Mandela.  He’s still attached to the film, though, which is an intriguing one- adapting Mandela’s memoir, Long Walk to Freedom.  At one point Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech) was attached to the project, but now Justin Chadwick (The Other Boleyn Girl) is looking likely.  There’s no denyingElba has the dramatic chops for the part, and he will undoubtedly raise the profile of the film, which the likely real reason for his casting.

It’s not like physical resemblance has held him back before

Normally the news of one more airport novel spy thriller adaptation would not merit comment, but Dead Spy Running has some interesting people involved.  I’m unfamiliar with the book or its two sequels (franchise potential!) but apparently it has been likened to The Social Network of spy stories, with the main character coming from and using a much younger and more technically proficient perspective than most spies.  Stephen Gaghan (Traffic) is handling the script, and Jonathan Levine (50/50) will direct, which suggests that material has the potential to be more than just a summer popcorn flick.  The lead role hasn’t been cast yet, but I have a suggestion.

Too obvious!  I’m meant Aziz Ansari.


Grimm’s Snow White (2012) Drinking Game

Grimm's Snow White (2012)

Grimm's Snow White (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for every shot of roaring creatures.

Deathcount! (Take a drink for each on-screen death)

Drink a Shot: for Dark Elves (What is this, Warhammer?)

Read the Full Grimm’s Snow White (2012) Review


Grimm’s Snow White (2012)

Grimm's Snow White (2012)

Grimm's Snow White (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Wonko The Sane (Four Beers) -
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!
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In case you hadn’t heard, there are two versions of the “Snow White” fairy tale being released in 2012, one is a comedy with wise-cracking short people and visual splendor, the other has Thor.   Regardless of how either film is destined to be seen by critics, the material in the trailers alone indicate a great deal of money backing them.  If you’re going to remake a story that is so well known, you have to put everything you have into making it feel fresh.  Give it an Oscar-caliber cast, or millions of dollars for special effects.  After all you’ve got to have standards right?

Did I mention there is a third “Snow White” movie coming out this year?

Enter The Asylum, a film studio whose standards of quality are (presumably) lauded in the industry.  And in Grimm’s Snow White they prove that they can make a film for tens of dollars look like it was shot for a couple hundred. 

A Toast

I tend to give The Asylum a lot of credit; while they haven’t exactly made a great movie, they have made a lot of fun ones.  Sure, they often have laughable dialog, performances, production quality, effects, etc.  But within these flaws is often a spark of inspiration from which hours of entertainment can be drawn.  Asylum movies are best enjoyed in the same fashion as college sex, after a few beers, and with a willing friend… or three.

Beer Two

Sadly, this spark of creativity feels sorely lacking in Grimm’s Snow White, which is neither serious enough to be dramatic, nor eccentric enough to enjoy as a guilty pleasure.  The story is half-assed, and feels like they shot the whole thing without a script, mixing in elements of Lord of the Rings in a desperate attempt to make it feel relevant.  My (unsolicited) advice to The Asylum is to stick to its usual mix of scifi bullshit and miscellaneous boobies.

Boobies are better for everyone

Beer Three

They couldn’t even afford a single little person to play a dwarf.  Instead they replace them with families of Elves, who are just like humans, but with pointy ears and magic.  To put it in terms they can understand: Snow White without Dwarves is like Mega Python without Gatoroid… it’s just… not… done.

Beer Four

I think when the makeup guys were told to do “Old Crone”, they instead did “Jewish Albino”.

As seen in The Princess Bride

Beer Five

Snow White is woken up from her poison apple ring sleep approximately 60 minutes into the movie.  Leaving the audience wondering what the hell they could possibly have planned for the next half hour.  From this point forward, the screenwriters attempt to give the flaccid storyline a dose or two of Cialis, by expanding on a war between the “Dark Elves” and the Queen’s “Armies”  (Though you’re hard pressed to see more than a half-dozen actors on screen at any one time).

Beer Six

Wait… are those the Hell-Beasts from Almighty Thor?

I just don’t have the strength to go on…

Verdict


There are so many things I should really be doing with my life.  I could start a business, I could become a painter.  Be glad that my life’s work is instead to warn others.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for every shot of roaring creatures.

Deathcount! (Take a drink for each on-screen death)

Drink a Shot: for Dark Elves (What is this, Warhammer?)


The Daily Shotgun: March 30th

By: Henry J. Fromage -

Awhile back there were some whispers about an edgy retelling of Peter Pan, starring Channing Tatum… as Peter Pan.  I ignored those whispers, because even if that movie did come into being, you’d run out of matches and fingernails before you could force me to watch it.  Then one of Guillermo Del Toro’s 500-odd directing/producing projects was announced as a edgy reboot of the Pan tale in which Hook is a detective tasked with chasing down the notorious child abductor.  That one got as far as casting, but hasn’t started shooting yet, leaving the Tatum project to swoop down and nab the same basic idea.  To add one more bizarre wrinkle to the story, Gavin O’Connor, the director of one of my favorite films from last year, Warrior, will be behind the camera, and the latest news seems to indicate Tatum will only be producing.  Anybody that watched that film might have some trouble reconciling it with anything involving Peter Pan, but I guess we’ll just have to see how this all plays out.

Maybe instead they’ll cast Robin Williams again, who has already shown us what a grown-up Pan would look like

Even in the year or so that the Daily Shotgun has been in existence, we’ve seen a ton of projects blow up, reform, or change into something different.  The Revenant was a script about a fur trapper mauled by a bear that drew a great deal of interest from directors and actors that included Alejandro González Iñárritu, Leonardo DiCaprio, Sean Penn, John Hillcoat, and Christian Bale.  Its dissolution, at least for now, has instead opened up Iñárritu and Penn to work on Red Flag, based on the non-fiction memoir Flim-Flam Man: The True Story Of My Father’s Counterfeit Life, about a bank-robber, arsonist, drug addict, counterfeiter and confidence man.  DiCaprio will move on to his fifth Martin Scorcese movie with a similar psychological hook- The Wolf of Wall Street.  It is another memoir, this time about an 80s drug and sex-addicted stockbroker who gets mixed up in stock fraud with the mob.

Which might be an even riskier proposition than tangling with a bear.

Errol Morris had me at hello (Gates of Heaven) and I’ve made sure not to miss a single one of his documentaries since.  His biggest success of them all arguably was Fog of War, in which he interviews controversial political and military figure Robert McNamara, the former U.S. Secretary of Defense during the Vietnam War, and draws out surprisingly candid and poignant responses.  His next project returns to similar territory, and my expectations are high, as the subject has much more cachet with my generation than McNamara does: Donald Rumsfeld.  Besides the fact that they both held the same government position, the parallels between him and McNamara should be obvious.

They both like golf?


Top 10 Movie Drinking Games (March 2012)

#10 – A Thousand Words (2012) - Rated 6 Beers:  A Thousand Words was originally filmed in 2008, but experienced a delayed release. Needless to say, it should’ve stayed on the shelves. Read the full review!

Take a drink: every time you think, “I could’ve gotten more spiritual support off a cocktail napkin.”

Take a drink: every time you think, “Man, Eddie and Clark are working their asses off to make sure this film is funny. Too bad they’re failing.”

Take a shot: for Kerry Washington and her rockin’ bod.

Take a shot: every time a leaf falls off a tree. What the hell? You’re going to need something to get through this depressing mess.

#9 – Friends with Kids (2012) - Rated 5 Beers:  I still love everyone involved, but even performers this talented can’t liven up such a rote, unlikable script.  Read the full review!

Take a Drink: whenever there’s a fight

Take a Drink: whenever someone says something smug or pithy

Drink a Shot: for any awkward sex scene or sex talk

#8 – Silent House (2012) - Rated 5 Beers:  I think Silent House was meant to be a vehicle for Elizabeth Olsen, but it’s simply not.  Fortunately, I think people will be more than willing to put this in the rear view mirror and give her another shot.  She’s attractive and acting is in her family, even great actors have a few bombs for various reasons.  Also, let us not forget that the people who made this also did Open Water.  Oops.  Read the full review!

Silent House (2012)

I think you should already be drunk, or decide to drink anyway when watching this, but let’s see if I can dig up some excuses:

Take a Drink: for every noise heard by Ms. Olsen

Take a Drink; if you get confused by anything or when trying to figure things out

Drink a Shot: when you feel like leaving the theater and going to The Lorax

On second thought, with how blurry and shaky the movie gets you may want to hold off on the booze because you’ll start thinking the room is spinning after one drink.

Go Buy: another Six Pack after the movie so you can attempt to forget it

#7 – Salmon Fishing in Yemen (2012) - Rated 4 Beers:  Watchable enough, with some really great moments, and a clever concept, spoiled by genre convention.  Read the full review!
Take a Drink: for every use of the word “theoretical”

Take a Drink: any time Ewan McGregor calls Emily Blunt’s character by her full hyphenated name (Chetwode-Talbot)

Drink a Whole Beer: because fuck it, I still can’t get over the dubbed-in “Target” reference.

Drink a Shot: when they shut up for once and actually try to catch a bloody fish (two shots when they catch one)

#6 – Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (2012) - Rated 3 Beers:  Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie is worth at least $132, 223.17 to me.  And I never liked ‘Tom Goes to the Mayor.”  Read the full review!

Take a Drink: every time someone says ‘Schlaang’.

Take a Drink: every time there is a cameo, audio included.

Take a Drink: every time something is repeated for comedic effect.

Take a Drink: every time there is a cutaway or vignette.

Take a Drink: every time Taquito coughs.

Drink a Shot: every time Robert Loggia curses

Drink a Shot: every time Tim and Eric sing.

Drink a Shot: every time the fourth wall is broken.

# 5 – Game Change (2012) - Rated 1 Beer: I believe this is one of HBO’s best films and most certainly the best drama and historical film to come out so far this year.  It doesn’t matter if you like or hate Sarah Palin, you will love this movie.  Enjoy that beer.  Review the full review!

Take a Drink: whenever John McCain curses.

Take a Drink: whenever Sarah Palin can’t give a clear or sensible answer.

Take a Drink: whenever Sarah Palin is looking at her cell phone.

Take a Drink: whenever Sarah Palin asks for her poll numbers in Alaska.

Take a Drink: whenever a crowd cheers.

Take a Drink: whenever someone says something hateful about Obama.

Drink a Shot: whenever someone says something positive about Obama.


#4 – Casa de mi Padre (2012) - Rated 2 Beers:  Me encanta esta película.  Read the full review!

Take a Drink: when Will Ferrell rolls a cigarette (in vain)

Take a Drink: each time El Gato Blanco makes an appearance

Take a Drink: for every ackward jump-cut moment

Drink a Shot: when someone speaks English

#3 – John Carter (2012) - Rated 3 Beers:  For its weaknesses, it is actually quite a lot of fun. And I hope it makes enough money for a sequel, I want to see these characters again.  Read the full review!

Take a Drink: whenever the word “Helium” is used

Take a Drink: every time John Carter is called “Virgina”

Drink a Shot: every time the word “Barsoom” is used

#2 – 21 Jump Street (2012) - Rated 2 Beers: An excellent comedy that was only brought down by the presence of Rob Riggle aka Rob Corddry 2.0. I really hope Hill continues to write movies because this was one hell of a debut. Excellent comedy all-around.  Read the full review!

Take a Drink: every time Riggle’s character awkwardly hits on Channing Tatum’s character

Take a Drink: every time Hill’s and Tatum’s characters commit a felony on-screen.

Drink a Shot: every time something doesn’t blow up that would have in 99% of action movies.

#1 – The Hunger Games (2012) - Rated 3 Beers: Overall I found The Hunger Games to be an entertaining mix of sci-fi, action, and drama, with some laughs and pretty thought-provoking social commentary mixed in.  Jennifer Lawrence’s Katniss is a heroine that people will actually want to root for.  Fans of the book will most likely enjoy it more, but The Hunger Games also works just fine as a standalone movie.  Read the full review!

Take a Drink:  Whenever anyone says “May the odds be ever in your favor.”

Take a Drink: Every time the cannon sounds.

Take a Drink: Every time Haymitch drinks.

Take a Drink: Every time there are flames.

Take a Drink: Every time the Mockingjay pin is shown.

Take a Drink: Whenever Rue makes an adorable face.

Drink a Shot:  For every time you yelled “Read the book!” at me while reading this (it’s for your own good).

Pop an Advil: when you have a headache from the shaky, blurry camerawork.


Ride with the Devil (1999) Drinking Game

Ride with the Devil (1999)

Ride with the Devil (1999) DVD / Blu-ray

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: whenever they make fun of Jake’s German heritage

Drink a Shot: for every racial epithet

Pour one out: in memory of the “glorious” South.

Southern pride built all this…

Read the full Ride with the Devil (1999) Review


Ride with the Devil (1999)

Ride with the Devil (1999)

Ride with the Devil (1999) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Two Beers) -
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!
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Jake Roedel (Tobey Maguire) is a Missourian who defies his German father’s devotion to the Union and joins the South as a bushwhacker for Quantrill’s Raiders.  He forms a small unit with several friends, and raids the countryside, attempting to do as much (or more) damage to the Northern cause as the Union-Friendly Jayhawkers are doing to the South.  They find winter quarters in the woods, and befriend local woman of the female persuasion Sue Lee (Jewel), who falls in love with Jake’s friend Jack Bull (Skeet Ulrich).  Jake meets a freedman named Daniel Holt (Jeffrey Wright), who fights alongside the raiders.

Editor’s Note: some quick internet research revealed that a small number of African-Americans did serve in Quantrill’s Raiders, so this isn’t just some cheap Hollywood gimmick.

The two form a bond of unlikely friendship that lasts out the war.    One shotgun wedding later, and the credits roll…

Editor’s Note: Just for clarity, Tobey Maguire doesn’t marry Jeffrey Wright.

You’re thinking of the wrong Ang Lee movie…

A Toast

Ride with the Devil explores the meaning of loyalty, sedition, and duty in a war that divided allegiance.  While initially Jake and his friends are devoted to the Southern cause, the meaning of that cause is tested by time, and tragedy.  Paying more attention to the quiet moments rather than the bloodshed, Ang Lee’s film focuses on the camaraderie that develops between men at arms.  That isn’t to say that there are no scenes of action, but in keeping with the ruthlessness of the Missouri Partisan war, nothing is glorified.  It would be false to try to find heroics in the brutal tactics of the Bushwhackers.  Contrasting the morally questionable actions of the guerrilla fighters to their close bonds of friendship is a unique approach Lee takes on the Civil War epic.  Most of them seem to be written as a series of important sounding, but pointless speeches.

“Now pardon me while I quote Julius Caesar for an hour”

Beer Two

The film’s main weakness is in the two and a half hour running time.  There just isn’t enough material here to provide such an epic length.  I actually love long movies, when they have a reason for being long.  Had I been in the editor’s chair, though, I’d have cut the entire side-plot involving Sue-Lee.  These scenes serve no purpose, other than to shoehorn in some romance and to give the film a happy ending.

 SPOILERS: Googling “Happy Ending” with safe-search off is a poor decision at work

Verdict

While slow at times, the overall execution is excellent, and the story contains something quite absent in most Civil War films: character development.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: whenever they make fun of Jake’s German heritage

Drink a Shot: for every racial epithet

Pour one out: in memory of the “glorious” South.

Southern pride built all this…


The Weekend Pregame: March 30th

By: Marielle -

Mirror Mirror -

The story so nice (and free cause it’s in the public domain) they made it twice! …This year. Amongst a catalogue of, like, forty other ones.

Mirror Mirror is the first of two Snow White movies to premiere in 2012, and it’s also the cheesier and  somehow whiter one. It’d be nice for a studio to take their savings from not having to pay royalties to step up their game. Even the sets and costumes leave a lot to be desired. Did they even bother to askNathan Lane to change out of his usual weekend garb?

Seriously, though, this looks awful. The whole trailer is a cringefest. There’s so many worn-out ideas (and I hesitate to say ‘at play’ because that would suggest some semblance of fun), and not just because it’s Snow White again, but because it looks like the only new thing they’ve brought to the table is the omg-the-stakes-have-never-been-higher-and-bombs!!! music in the trailer. Wow, what suspense! Some old beauty queen is pissed her looks are going, and they shoehorned in a line about gender roles being reversed four seconds before Armie Hammer, winner of the Most Handsomest Wealthy Aryan* award for the second consecutive year, dips Snow White back in his arms.

Beer Prediction

And that’s being generous. Julia Roberts’s performance makes me wanna slap her back to the 1990s. And after watching Jennifer Lawrence kill it in The Hunger Games last weekend, I feel like Lily Collins should furrow those hyper-eyebrows in shame.

*Ironically, Hammer is half-Jewish.

 

Wrath of the Titans -

The sequel to 2010′s Clash of the Titans (in 3D!!!), the unfortunately titled Wrath of the Titans follows some heroes doing ancient Greecey stuff and—hey, hold up—is that Marilyn Manson’s Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)? Are they perhaps making a subtle comment on upping the badass level of a previous effort? Or perhaps Clash was all just a terrible dream and now it’s totally on??

Nevermind. Perseus just asked that chimera, “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!” Ah well.

Beer Prediction

I’m hoping that they learned something after the first’s failure. I recommend you check out The Hunger Games instead. Liam Neeson is starting to enterSamuelL.JacksonTerritory, guys.