By: Henry J. Fromage -
I honestly wonder why Adam Sandler ever tried out legitimate films. Obviously, he no longer has any interest in them, which would be fine if Punch Drunk Love and the like hadn’t demonstrated that he actually has plenty of talent. Maybe he just wanted to leave open the possibility of a positive spin on his obituary? Anyways, he’s going to be starring in the no longer “Lord of the Rings- esque” Candy Land. Honestly, I don’t think any further commentary is necessary.
Theory #2: Judd Apatow gave him too many ideas
On the opposite end of the spectrum (shit that doesn’t make money vs. shit that does) lies Atlas Shrugged, Part II. Perhaps in an effort to capture that elusive teen demographic a la Breaking Dawn and the last Harry Potter, producer John Aglialoro broke up Ayn Rand’s ponderous literary monument to telling the disabled to just get a job already into two parts. After the first one tanked in the box office, because of the liberal media of course and not at all related to any concerns with quality, the existence of Part II was in doubt, but apparently he was able to scrape together enough definitely not handouts to put together a film that will undoubtedly be a testament to the unassailable greatness of the free market. Because, you know, choking the market with a glut of inferior product instead of letting a real genius use the resources to create something truly great (say, Guillermo del Toro and At the Mountains of Madness) is just what the hero of the book (James Taggart or maybe Orren Boyle, but definitely not Hank Rearden, apparently) would have you do.
On a related note, when are we getting that sexy Milton Friedman biopic already?
Ah, and now for some news about a movie I’d actually watch. Anybody who’s ever listened to Robert Rodriguez at Comic-Con knows that about half of what comes out of his mouth has any chance of coming to fruition, unless he’s talking about more Spy Kids movies, that is. So, it’s always refreshing when one of those sweet ideas actually gets some firm details. No, still don’t hold your breath on those Sin City sequels. Instead, it looks like the second Machete movie, Machete Kills, is the next one up, shooting in April. This one will follow Danny Trejo as he carves a swath through Mexico, combating a cartel boss and a rich arms dealer attempting to launch a weapon into space. Considering the sequel after that is entitled Machete Kills Again… In Space, I’m going to go ahead and predict the film ends with Machete tied to a rocket or somesuch and blasted into orbit.
Where he’ll find Jason and the Leprechaun waiting…
